Occasionally, even the sturdiest trust-based relationships encounter problems. For example, a person having an age-related crisis and cheating on their partner of many years with whom they have a kid.
That's the exact thing that happened to today's OP -- his wife of 13 years cheated on him because she felt insecure about getting older. And now, the man doesn't want to give her a second chance, even though she promised never to do it again.
Some people are so frightened of aging that it makes them do overly crazy things that ruin their lives
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The man's wife went on a girl's trip, but after the first night away, she called him to say that she cheated on him
Apparently, hooking up with a younger guy was supposed to make her feel younger, as she had been struggling with getting older
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/HippoOk9111
The man stated that he was not a "second chances" type of guy and that he wanted to leave his wife after 13 years together
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/HippoOk9111
But because his mom kept pestering him to take his wife back, the man came online to ask whether he should give her a second chance or not
The OP and his wife have been together for 13 years. Their relationship was full of trust, and so the man didn’t have any worries when the wife went on her girl's trip. Apparently, there was something to worry about.
After the first night away, the wife called her husband crying, and she told him she slept with someone else. She had approached a 10-year-younger guy and lied to him about going through a divorce (even though, as it later turned out, that didn’t matter to him). Soon, everything resulted in them having intercourse.
Her reasoning for it was that she wanted to see if she “still had it.” Basically, she felt self-conscious about aging, and hooking up with a younger guy was her way of feeling young.
But that reasoning wasn’t good enough for the OP, as he decided that he wanted to leave her despite her begging him not to and promising to do better. The post’s author said that he’s a "one chance" sort of a guy, so her pleading didn't work on him.
The OP’s mom, who was very close with the wife, said that the man should forgive her, as he should think about the family and that what she had done wasn’t the worst-case scenario. At the same time, the wife’s sister told her she was insane for doing what she did and didn’t comfort the woman when she confessed.
While everything is up in the air, the woman is staying with her mother, and their daughter thinks her mom is still on holiday. The man is trying to figure out what to do. To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
And it seems that most of the netizens think that the answer should be not to forgive. Quite a few expressed the sentiment that she might do it again if he forgives her. Because what will happen when she turns 40? 50? Aging is an inevitable part of life, and cheating on your partner of many years just because you feel sad about it is beyond selfish.
It seems that the OP’s wife might be suffering from internalized ageism. It’s a prejudice against yourself that pushes a person to take extreme measures to look or act younger. Basically, it's being afraid of being perceived as old.
Actually, a lot of people, in one way or another, are afraid of aging. That's because ageism has been ingrained in everyone’s mind since childhood -- from advertisements with grumpy old people to evil old witches in fairy tales. By the time people grow up, they internalize all the negative messaging about older people and realize that they’re afraid to become them.
That’s why people excessively buy expensive creams, go under the knife for extreme procedures, and act very strangely in order to feel and look younger. The OP’s wife said that her cheating was a way for her to feel younger. Even though she's only 33 years old, which is really not an old age, she’s already worrying about it, which kind of derailed her life.
Let's just hope the post's author will make a decision that'll be the best for the family. After all, they have a 7-year-old daughter who he needs to think about while deciding what to do. And if he decides to bring the family back together, as his mother suggested, let's hope that any other of his wife's aging crises won't ruin it again.
Many internet folks answered him that he shouldn't take her back because, if he does, she might do it again in the future when she turns even older
