Not every marriage is happy, even if most start out on a high note. And yet, not every unhappy marriage ends in divorce, as some people tend to choose alternatives like transitioning into an open relationship.
However, as one Redditor shared, not everyone finds it to be a switch for the better, as some do. When the guy learned that his wife no longer wanted to be with him and had recently intended to cheat, he agreed to an open marriage despite previously strongly considering a divorce. Although it did save his family for his kids, it left the guy in a pit of sorrow. Scroll down to read the full story.
More info: Reddit
Open marriages can be a great thing for making your relationship stronger, but they will rarely mend one that's already broken
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
A guy and his wife were happily married for 10 years, but in the past few months, their relationship started to roll downhill
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)
The woman was always angry at the guy despite him being a perfect husband, and he started suspecting that she was cheating
Image credits: NATASHA LOIS (not the actual photo)
When he confronted her, she admitted that she intended to cheat but didn't and told him that she didn't want to be married to him or anyone else anymore
Image credits: u/devestatedhusband
The guy wanted to get a divorce but agreed to an open marriage so they wouldn't break up their children's home
The 40-year-old OP has been married to his 43-year-old wife for a decade, and for most of it, everything has been going well. However, recently, things started going downhill until one day when the guy became completely convinced the woman was cheating.
The woman spent several hours getting ready to go “buy some stuff for the home,” which she always hated doing. To top it off, she was going with an unknown male friend. Once she returned, she refused to go into any details, saying that in order to stay in their marriage, she needed some time just for her.
The OP opened up that a few days before that, his wife told him that she didn’t wish to remain married, and it had nothing to do with the guy, as he took care of all of the childcare, shopping, and housework and also worked from home.
The guy was also always non-controlling, emotionally available, mature, and good-looking, but none of that stopped his wife from being angry at him all the time and hardly communicating. He began considering divorce but was hesitant as it would break up the family and break apart his children’s home.
However, the next day, the poster finally did catch a break. When he and his wife sat down to talk, she told him that she did indeed intend to cheat the night before but didn’t, as she found her would-be-affair partner “lacking.”
Hearing this, the husband asked if the woman wanted an open relationship, to which she answered yes, as she didn’t want to break up the family either. But at the same time, she closed the door to intimacy between her and the OP, making them more like roommates and less like partners.
The guy was left terribly saddened but admitted that this was probably not the worst outcome he could’ve gotten, and the commenters supported him in his pain. The OP received many different pieces of advice from people who dealt with similar situations, and hopefully, he wasn’t feeling as alone as before.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Nowadays, more and more people choose to be in an open relationship, where both partners are allowed to have other romantic and/or sexual partners while remaining primarily committed to each other. But does this kind of arrangement ever really work? To answer these questions, Bored Panda reached out to a psychologist, Hanan Parvez, who was glad to lend us his expertise.
The expert began by explaining that, contrary to now-popular belief, humans have evolved to be primarily monogamous. It is our go-to mating strategy, which ensures that human babies get the bi-parental care they require, making it kind of like our default setting. "That is not to say [we] don't have adaptations for short-term mating, which is mainly where cheating and affairs come from."
One of the main arguments the psychologists made against open relationships was the human need for safety and security in romantic relationships. "Open relationships make people feel unsafe. They're inherently unstable and breed negative emotions like resentment and jealousy," said Hanan, adding that opting for this is more often than not a case of short-term thinking.
"Say you're in an open relationship, and you find someone other than your current partner attractive. Your mind will push you to pursue a long-term relationship with them at the expense of your current relationship," continued the expert, explaining that the human mind struggles to stay in this unsafe and unstable limbo between old and new relationships.
The psychologist described this 'push' of the mind as the force driving humans to 'settle down,' which also makes it difficult to be on a hunt for romantic relationships all the time. "Mating effort takes too much time and energy. Being in an open relationship can prove to be costly in the long run, psychologically and productivity-wise."
"That said, some people seem to be able to resist that 'push' and make such relationships work. But I always say it's better to work with your mind, not against it," said Hanan, making it clear that when it comes to romantic relationships, psychologically, it is easier to take it one at a time.
But while it might work for some couples, is turning your marriage into an open one just to keep the family together for the kids ever a good idea? Well, according to the expert, it most often isn't.
"Staying in an unhappy but functional marriage isn't necessarily better for the kids. Even though watching your parents getting divorced can be traumatic and painful, it eventually boils down to how much pain you're able to reduce and ultimately live with," explained the psychologist.
"[Kids] want their parents to be in a functional relationship and also a happy one. That makes them feel emotionally safe and leads them to develop positive beliefs about relationships," summarized Hanan. While parents' separation in situations like these might be hurtful for the kids at that time, it's usually a lot better for them in the long run.
But ultimately, it's all up to the people involved to choose what kind of relationship they live in. Open relationships can bring a lot of benefits if they truly work for you. But staying in one just for the sake of children, like the OP and his wife are attempting to do, doesn't sound like the best idea out there.
What did you think about this story? What is your view on non-monogamous relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
The commenters were very supportive of the poster and offered him advice on how to better deal with the situation
