Buying gifts for a partner can get tricky. If you've been together for a while, it's easy to exhaust all your options. That's why it's useful to pay close attention in the months and weeks leading up to the special occasion - just in case they drop hints about what they'd like. Or, you could ask them directly and save yourself the stress.
A woman is at her wits' end and says she is "retiring from gift-giving duty." It's all because no matter what she buys her husband, he never seems happy or grateful. She says she's even tried letting him choose his own presents online. But even then, all he has are complaints when he receives them. Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert, Rosalinda Randall to get her thoughts on the matter.
He always has something negative to say in response to his wife's gifts, even when he chose them himself
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Now that she's decided to stop buying him presents altogether, he's accusing her of being "mean"
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"Dear husband, you've got it twisted": an etiquette expert weighs in
Rosalinda Randall knows a thing or two about courtesy and an grace. She's an etiquette expert who specializes in training people to move through life with tact and civility. We reached out to Randall to get her input on the wife's dilemma and here's the message she had for husband:
"Being mean is forgetting your birthday altogether! If you are consistently dissatisfied with their gift, it is up to you to speak up, with kindness of course. If your interests or needs have changed, express it. If there is a deeper reason for rejecting your spouse’s gifts, for the sake of the relationship, speak up! If you have become a grumpy ungrateful person, figure out why, share this with your spouse, seek counseling. If you don’t, you’ll be celebrating all your future birthdays by yourself!"
"Some people can’t be pleased," Randall tells Bored Panda. "It’s not the right color, the wrapping paper is cheap, you finally got me something I can use… It makes you feel like taking it back!"
If you're stuck with a difficult or ungrateful partner, Randall suggests that you stop spending hours agonizing and scrolling for ideas. "You’ll never get it right anyway," she said.
Here's what to do instead, according to her:
"Buy a card. In it, write all the things you love or admire about them. (Hopefully they won’t criticize your thoughts too!)"
"Have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell them how displeased you are when it’s not the right gift."
"Ask them to provide a list of three or more gift ideas; surprise them with one. If they still sneer, pull out the list."
We asked Randall what other ideas she has for people who never know what gifts to buy their spouses. She suggested asking they ask friends if their SO has mentioned anything specific - or even calling their mom. Afterall, moms know best...
"Plan an outing together. First a meal at their favorite restaurant, then off to the mall so they can select their gift," adds Randall.
The expert says another option is to formally make a deal not to buy gifts. "Instead, buy or make their favorite meal or dessert. Invite their friends to watch the big game while you stay away."
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You aren't always going to love the gifts you receive, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be grateful
Many of us are taught from a young age that we should accept gifts graciously. That means always saying "thank you" and being grateful. Though it's not always the case, there's a very good chance that the person giving the gift put a lot of time, effort, money, and thought into choosing and getting it for you.
Yet, despite our childhood lessons in grace and courtesy, the world today is still full of adults who lack basic manners. Yes, there will undoubtedly be times in your life that you receive a gift that you either don't want or aren't super thrilled about. It doesn't matter. You should still smile and thank the person.
“No matter the relationship, no matter the gift, expressing gratitude is essential, if you want the relationship to last,” Randall told Bored Panda during our interview. “Even the worst gift deserves a polite thank you. The gift shouldn’t dictate whether your express gratitude or not, no matter the gift-giver’s intention.”
One way to avoid disappointment when unwrapping your gifts is to lower your expectations. Maybe you really wanted a PlayStation but got a book instead. Smile, thank the person, and say, "How thoughtful." You're showing appreciation even if something didn’t live up to your lowered expectations.
“It's a true statement, even if you hate it,” says another etiquette expert, Thomas Farley. “You're acknowledging that somebody spent time and effort and didn't just phone it in, and you can really stand by that statement without feeling like you're being disingenuous.”
Farley warns that intonation is everything. “How thoughtful,” delivered in a cutting, sarcastic tone, and “How thoughtful!” filled with appreciation and warmth can be received totally differently.
Just because you didn't get the gift you really wanted does not give you the right to crush someone else's soul.
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"I would do the same": many people understood exactly why the woman was so frustrated
