The vows we take at the wedding altar usually don't include our in-laws, but in vain. In fact, relationships with our spouses' parents often significantly affect the quality of our family life. Even if the relationship with the partner themselves is completely cloudless.
Here is the user ForOliveViewer, the author of our story today, in her own words, happy with her marriage, which has lasted for five years. However, the relationship with her mother-in-law is becoming for her that fly in the ointment that spoils everything. Intrigued? Then let's read on.
More info: Mumsnet
The author of the post has been married for 5 years and she has a wonderful 2-year-old daughter
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The only issue that darkens the author's life, according to herself, is that her mother-in-law undervalues her
Image credits: ForOliveViewer
Image credits: benzoix / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For example, the woman expects heartened congrats on Mother's Day but just gets a card, while her husband receives tons of warmth on Father's Day
Image credits: ForOliveViewer
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Another example is when she flies by plane with her daughter, the MIL always calls to check on their safety - and doesn't do this when the DIL flies alone
Image credits: ForOliveViewer
So the woman decided to take it online in order to get some wise pieces of advice from netizens
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 30 years old, just like her husband, they have been married for 5 years and have a wonderful 2-year-old daughter. And the woman is almost completely happy with her life - the only problem she sees is her mother-in-law. More precisely, this lady's attitude towards her daughter-in-law.
No, if you are expecting some dark story with insults, toxic words and petty revenge on both sides, then you are definitely wrong. The MIL always behaves very appropriately, she regularly comes to visit for the weekend, but she doesn't impose her company on the spouses. She tries to be involved in the parenting process whenever possible... But the OP is still upset. And here's why.
The thing is that the MIL pays maximum attention exclusively to those family members who are of the same blood with her - that is, her son and granddaughter. And this applies to both congratulations on Father's Day or Mother's Day (as you understand, the level of MIL's involvement here varies drastically), and just everyday communication.
So, for example, when the OP flew with her daughter on a plane, the mother-in-law regularly called and worried about their safety. At the same time, when the author flew alone, nothing like that happened. You might say that these are trifles - but for our heroine, each incident was actually very hurtful.
In congratulating them, the MIL usually showers her son with praise, and when talking about his spouse, she only notes her as a great wife and mom. And our heroine would like to be appreciated as an individual. However, the woman is not sure - maybe she's simply being unreasonable, expecting more from her mother-in-law than she can actually give her?
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, the question is actually individual to each particular family, but in general, it would be a little strange to expect the same level of love and support from the mother-in-law as she gives her own son and granddaughter. Yes, there are always many exceptions, but you and I know so many stories where MIL and DIL find themselves on different sides of the 'front line'...
"Of course, each person's feelings are very important and have primary importance for themselves - but it's worth thinking that other people may have a completely different level of perception of what is happening, a different temper and reactions," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"From what is listed in this woman's story, to be honest, it doesn't follow that she is undervalued. On the contrary, the mother-in-law is grateful to her for being a good mom to her granddaughter and a good wife to her son. That is, in fact, to the people closest to her. And in those areas where they actively interact."
After all, according to Irina, you wouldn't expect your boss to regularly praise you for, let's say, your artistic abilities or parenting skills. Each person, Irina goes on, perceives you as you enter their personal environment. Because you are the center of your own universe, but the other person has their universe too, and you're obviously not the center of it.
"As for this woman, it's quite possible that a few therapy sessions would help her to understand, first of all, herself. I think that would be quite enough," Irina summarizes. "It seems to me that she has some unprocessed issues inside her - and this prevents her from enjoying life to its fullest."
People in the comments to the original post also don't really agree that the author is undervalued in any way. "Your expectations of your husband's mother are waaaaay too high! What made you expect all these things from her?" one of the commenters wrote. "Why would she go out of her way to wish you a happy mother's day? You're not her mum. You're not even her daughter."
Responders also rightly point out that the OP is not part of her MIL's immediate family, so shouldn't expect anything out of the ordinary - even on Mother's Day. "I'm sorry OP but on Mothers day it should be your husband spoiling you, same for your birthday. At the end of the day you're not her immediate family and I think being a good mum and a good grandma is enough," another person added. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story?
However, people in the comments mostly told the author she was being unreasonable here, since she isn't her MIL's immediate family
