Meeting your better half is special; you feel like the luckiest person in the world and can’t wait to spend time together, thinking how great it is that you chose to be with each other.
Unfortunately, some people settle on their significant other rather than choose them, which can understandably break their partner’s heart. That’s what happened to this redditor, whose husband of 10 years admitted that he only chose her because her best friend was taken. The woman poured her heart out to members of the ‘True Off My Chest’ subreddit, and soon enough, the husband shared his side of the story, too.
Scroll down to find both posts below, where you will also find our interview with a certified love life strategist, dating and relationship expert, Lisa Concepcion, who was kind enough to answer a few of Bored Panda’s questions.
Learning that you were your partner's “Plan B” can hurt even years after getting together
This woman’s husband admitted that he had always had a crush on her best friend
Image credits: Garakta-Studio /envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Quite a few people believe in love at first sight, but even more do in the one true love
Image credits: Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)
When both people show interest in one another, the anticipation of a relationship can be equally as exciting as the relationship itself. “Does he like me, too?”, “Did you see the way she looked at me?”, “I think they might be interested, but scared to say it” – such lines often tend to accompany the very beginning of a relationship in the making.
And while some people might need more time to warm up to someone, others know straight away that the person is their person. A Gallup’s survey from what feels like 12 years ago, but is actually nearly quarter of a century ago—the year 2000—found that just over half of Americans believe in love at first sight, with young people more prone to being suddenly hit by Cupid’s arrow.
The survey also revealed that more than love at first sight, people believe in “one true love”, endorsed by close to three-in-four respondents. Be that as it may, a person one considered their one true love might prove not to be worthy of such a title.
Admitting that someone was a backup plan is guaranteed to hurt their feelings
For the redditor, her husband confessing that she wasn’t his first choice caused the world around her to shatter and eventually resulted in her filing for divorce. Discussing the OP’s situation, a certified love life strategist, dating and relationship expert, Lisa Concepcion noted that admitting something like this can definitely destroy a relationship, as it’s most likely done out of malicious intent.
“The only reason to share this information is to hurt the person. This seems to be a deliberate—and toxic—jab designed to ruin his wife's self worth,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview. “Anyone with self worth wouldn't appreciate hearing this and would say that, since the relationship was based on a lie and he didn't really love her, the relationship should immediately end.”
The expert added that while hearing something like this is definitely not easy, it might be for the better in the long run. “This is definitely hurtful; however, truth is what matters the most. When people have the truth, they are empowered to make decisions based on facts instead of living a lie. I would imagine the wife feeling duped, calling her husband's character into question,” Lisa said, adding that self worth matters, so it is crucial to choose your spouse wisely.
Some people settle for the wrong partners out of fear of being single
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, some people decide to settle even if they don’t feel like they’ve met their one true love. It’s unclear if that was the case for the redditor’s husband; but research found that it is often what happens when single people get tired of or fear being single.
A study carried out by researchers from University of Toronto found that people with stronger fears of being single are willing to settle for less in relationships. “Sometimes they stay in relationships they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren’t very good for them,” the lead researcher Stephanie Spielmann said in a statement released by the university.
Interestingly, the research also found that people who are willing to settle for less when it comes to romantic partners are not “blind” to their detrimental qualities. Respondents, who feared staying single, admitted that they would even date a person they considered a jerk, understanding fully that they would be less likely to have a successful, lasting relationship with said person.
The OP wasn’t willing to be with a person who settled for her instead of choosing to be with her, which arguably proved to be the right choice, bearing in mind the husband’s infidelity that followed. The man admitted to it in another post on the same subreddit, where he shared more details from his perspective; scroll down to find the story in his own words below.
Fellow redditors mentioned similar stories
People shared their thoughts in the comments
The OP’s husband posted on the same subreddit, too, sharing his side of the story
Image credits: jm_video / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
The husband’s story didn’t make him look that much better in netizens’ eyes
