Not all breakups are tragedies. Some are wonderful decisions that open the door to a much happier life.
That’s exactly what happened to one woman who spent years being belittled and insulted by her husband. After finally getting a divorce and leaving the relationship behind, she experienced an incredible transformation. She had a complete glow up in nearly every way, from her dating life to her finances to her appearance.
Eager to celebrate her newfound freedom, she shared her story on Reddit. We reached out to hear more about her journey, and here’s what she has to say.
For years, the woman was belittled and insulted by her husband
Image credits: On Shot (not the actual photo)
So she finally got a divorce, and now her life is better than ever
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wiktor Karkocha (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Independent-Let-7688
The woman opened up about how her life has changed in the years since the separation
Bored Panda got in touch with the woman, and she was kind enough to share more about what happened after her divorce.
“It’s been 5 years since my divorce now. I spent roughly 2 years together with the lovely young man that I met,” she said. “My friends were supportive of it, while his family and most of his friends weren’t, as it went against social norms. When you’re 25, that’s not easy to handle, and so, in the end, we had to come to the decision that splitting up was the best thing to do. It was, however, difficult for both of us, as we were still in love.”
She explained that while they both may have expected the relationship to naturally fade after the honeymoon stage, that never really happened.
“I think that in the beginning, we both figured that things would run their course eventually, as so much does once the initial “honeymoon” stage is over and your rose-tinted glasses come off,” she said. “However, that never happened, and so we had to take into consideration the different places we were in life, and a significant part was, of course, the pressure he felt under, which took its toll.”
“So we spent some time being unable to really split up while dating other people,” she continued. “Eventually, I met someone closer to me in age, and he met someone a couple of days after I had told him I had met someone. We met up a couple of times after that, but it was just too difficult, even though we always planned to remain friends.”
As for her ex-husband, the woman said she has since found support from a professional who understands this kind of behavior and the impact it can have.
“Regarding my ex-husband, I found a psychotherapist who specializes in this sort of behavior and how it affects the people who are subjected to it. She’s been great and has helped me navigate the aftermath,” she revealed. “Things have calmed down, as our communication is only in writing, and I stick to short, factual, and polite messages, and I don’t react to any impolite messages. However, it’s an ongoing process to establish boundaries and get him to respect them.”
Sadly, there are many people out there who are not in a healthy enough place to date or build a respectful relationship.
Abusers often try to make a person feel so powerless that leaving no longer seems possible
The woman said that, after her divorce, she became very interested in understanding how abusive dynamics work and why it can take so long to recognize them.
“Since my divorce, I have actually been very interested in finding out why some people behave like that and also why it can take so long to realize what is happening and why it’s often difficult to leave. I didn’t want to repeat the experience and I also don’t want my children to repeat it,” she shared.
“Firstly, it comes from poor self-worth and self-esteem. It might not be noticeable to outsiders, but that’s at the bottom of it. Just like any kind of bullying really,” she said.
“In order to protect one’s self, these people build an imaginary sense of superiority, and they try to put other people down in order to feel better about themselves and also in order for them to control the other person and put them in a place where they don’t feel like they have the strength to leave. Emotional abuse can be very subtle and difficult to spot.”
And that is exactly what can make it so dangerous. Emotional abuse does not always begin with obvious cruelty. In many cases, it starts with affection and the feeling that someone has finally found the perfect partner.
“Often, the relationship starts with love bombing. Mine certainly did,” she admitted. “So in the beginning, it’ll seem as though all of your dreams have come true, and it’ll often look like what we’ve all seen romantic movies and read about.”
“And so it’s easy to be swept off your feet. The way I met my ex-husband and the beginning of our relationship was certainly worthy of any romantic fairytale I had ever read about. But very slowly things change,” she said.
“Very subtly, so it’s difficult to notice, and if you do say something, it’ll be just put off as a joke, that you’re too sensitive, and sometimes they will completely deny it. I came to a point where I had to write everything down because he was so convincing when he lied or denied things that happened, and I didn’t know if I could trust my own memory.”
Over time, those small moments can chip away at a person’s confidence until they start believing the things they are being told. For the woman, realizing that the same pattern had repeated through generations helped her understand that she wanted something different for her children.
“All of this erodes away your self-worth and confidence, and so you eventually start believing what you are told. That nobody else will ever want you. That you are unable to do anything right. The behavior that they have is often something that they have experienced themselves or witnessed while growing up,” she shared.
“Just as the people who experience this often also have a similar background, however, everyone can end up in this sort of unhealthy relationship dynamics,” she said. “While still married, I was able to see how the same pattern had repeated itself over and over throughout generations on both sides. And that’s what finally gave me the strength to leave, as I didn’t want my children to grow up thinking that this was normal behavior and what a relationship should be like. I wanted it to end with me.”
The woman’s story struck a chord with many people
We were curious to hear how the woman felt about the massive amount of responses the post received.
“I’m fairly new to Reddit so I didn’t really think that it would get any sort of traction. I’m not sure how many upvotes posts normally get, but it certainly does seem like it’s gotten quite a few more upvotes than most posts,” she said.
“The comments have also, apart from a few, been very supportive. I did have one person sending me a not-very-positive personal message, but there are always going to be people like that out there and I always feel sorry for them. I’ve never met anyone who feels truly good about themselves and is happy who had the need to put other people down or write in a very negative manner.”
She believes part of the reason the story resonated with so many people is that it had a hopeful ending.
“People also like a story that ends well. And in many ways, mine ended better than I ever expected,” she said. “When I left, I figured that nobody would probably ever want me, as I was turning 40 and a single mother and didn’t look anything like before I got married. So it was amazing to find out that not only was I wrong, but a handsome and kind young man thought not only that I was beautiful, but liked me exactly the way I was.
“That was very therapeutic,” she noted. “And really helped me rebuild myself and regain my self-confidence. Finally, I think it resonates with women in general. Whenever I have told my story, that seems to be the case. I think it’s because society wants women to believe that as we get older, we are no longer desirable or attractive, whereas men still are and are able to attract younger women. That definitely isn’t true.”
Readers supported her in the comments, and she answered some of their questions
