It’s nice to get along well with co-workers and maybe even get together after work sometimes. Though, for some people, it happens on a regular basis, and sometimes it gets pretty wild.
This redditor shared that her husband, a senior partner at a banking firm, spends time with his co-workers after work quite often, which has led to some pretty serious bad behavior, presented as fun drunken antics in the past. The woman opened up about one of such antics that has left her feeling hurt and violated, though her husband believed it was something they should be able to laugh at.
It’s not unheard of for people to spend time with their co-workers after the workday is done
Image credits: Oscar Söderlund / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Though this woman felt that her husband’s drunken antics with his co-workers had crossed the line
Image credits: Chris Yang / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Adept-Pepper-5859
Many couples fight over the amount of quality time spent together
It’s not uncommon for people’s work life to become intertwined with their personal one. And it’s also not unheard of for that to have a negative impact on their relationships, especially those with their significant others. The long hours at the office, constant talks about their “work spouse”, or spending the little free time they have with their co-workers might become too difficult for people’s partners to be supportive of; or even tolerate, for that matter.
While “spending time with co-workers” didn’t make it to the list of the most common things couples fight about, the “amount of quality time spent together” made it to the top ten, according to a YouGov’s survey from 2022. Bearing that in mind, it’s not surprising that some people might feel bitter if their significant other decides to spend more time with the individuals they see at work every day rather than their own partner.
But, as the OP’s example shows, sometimes, it’s not about the amount of time spent, but rather about the activities that time was spent for. The aforementioned survey found that friendships or social activities outside of the relationship were a common reason for fighting, too, and it’s safe to assume that when social activities entail sneaking out with one’s spouse’s underwear in their hand, it doesn’t make the relationship any better.
Some people tend to make their co-workers’ spouses uncomfortable
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s no secret that setting clear boundaries is important for the well-being of a romantic relationship. For instance, if your partner is getting increasingly close to their work spouse and it’s making you uncomfortable, you might want to express your concern or let them know how that makes you feel and set a boundary you wish your significant other respected.
According to the Office Pulse survey from 2017, a whopping 70% of business professionals at that time had—or have had—a work spouse, marking an increase from 65% in 2010 and 32% in 2006. The survey also found that quite a few people with such spouses have taken their relationship a tad too far, with 7% admitting that they have “definitely crossed the line”, and an additional 6% saying that they “may have crossed the line”.
Whether or not there’s reason to worry about work spouses, many people still do – 7% of male and 2% of female business professionals say that their actual spouse is jealous of their work spouse. Additionally, 11% of males and 5% of females feel the need to hide their work spouse from the actual one.
Talking about boundaries and people’s relationship inside and outside of work, BACP-registered counsellor and therapist, Lindsay George told The Independent that like most preferences and dynamics in relationships, the boundaries that work best for people also differ from couple to couple.
The expert pointed out that when a work spouse comes into the picture, it’s normal to feel a little jealous or threatened. However, if you feel this way, it might be best to try talking about it with your partner. “Explain how their relationship is affecting you and that you need help understanding it better,” George told The Independent. “Ask for reassurance. Find out why they like spending time together; do they give each other emotional support? Do they share common interests? And if so, what are these?”
Even though the OP’s problem with her husband’s co-workers wasn’t a work spouse or the threat such a person might present, explaining how their relationship—and the games they play—is affecting her might not be a bad idea. Some netizens in the comments even suggested that the woman should reevaluate her relationship altogether.
People in the comments sided with the woman; they didn’t think the co-workers’ games were appropriate
The wife shared more details with fellow netizens
A couple people shared similar stories about their partners
