Being cheated on hurts beyond belief. However, at some point, you need to come to terms with what happened, start the healing process, and move on. If you don’t, you might end up poisoning your new relationships.
Redditor u/Relevant_Young_5607 asked the AITAH online group for advice about her imploding relationship. She shared that she’s considering getting divorced after finding out that her husband is still obsessed with his ex-girlfriend after taking a peek into his super secret box of mementos.
Scroll down for the full story and the advice the internet gave the woman. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It's painful to realize that your spouse might still have unresolved feelings for their ex, even years and years after their breakup
Image credits: Pressmaster / envato (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet to weigh in on a sensitive situation. She revealed how her spouse keeps a secret box of things that remind him of his ex-partner
Image credits: Lisa from Pexels / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Relevant_Young_5607
It's a serious issue if your significant other still has a strong emotional attachment to the things that belonged to their ex
It’s painful to realize that your significant other might still have feelings for their ex. What hurts even more is if you feel that you’re more of a consolation prize or a replacement for their ex than a full-fledged partner.
Though it’s certainly possible to move past these issues, that’s easier said than done. It requires lots of consistent, mutual effort over a long period of time. It means being fully honest and transparent about your feelings. And you might need the help of a couple’s therapist to help sort your feelings.
According to Katherine Cullen, MFA, LCSW, some of the signs that someone might still not be over their ex-partner include the following:
- They often talk very negatively about them
- They get intensely emotionally worked up when the topic of their ex comes up
- They might shut down completely (stonewall) when asked about them
- They covet objects that are linked to their ex-partner
- They hesitate and are reluctant to commit to new relationships
- They constantly stay in touch with their ex, whether in person or digitally
- They stalk their ex on social media
To be clear, it’s not necessarily unhealthy to have a physical or digital album of photos that includes some snapshots of your ex-partners. However, things get iffy if items related to your exes are in easily accessible spots or if you display them publicly at home or on social media.
“Likewise, repeatedly wearing items of clothing, jewelry, or keeping expensive gifts on display that belonged to or were given to someone by an ex is a pretty strong hint they’re still somewhat hooked on them. A readiness to move forward is often accompanied by a letting go of those objects we associate with people no longer in our lives,” Cullen explains in a post on Psychology Today.
Furthermore, someone clearly has a hard time moving on from their exes if they spend time looking at their social media accounts and interacting with the content they share online. “Each digital interaction with them or their image reinforces emotional attachment. Beware of new prospective partners who digitally stalk their former lovers.”
The first step toward moving on is becoming more self-aware and realizing that you might still have feelings for your ex
Image credits: zoranzeremski / envato (not the actual photo)
Meanwhile, self-awareness is incredibly important in moving on. Grady Shumway, LMHC, explained to Marriage.com that a big step towards healing is realizing that you’re not over your ex.
“It’s okay to take time to work through those lingering feelings. Talking things out with friends, family, or even a therapist can really help you deal with these emotions and find closure. Just remember to be kind and patient with yourself as you heal and grow,” he says.
As per Marriage.com, some of the biggest indications that you might still not be over your ex-partner are these:
- You look for the smallest opportunities to get back in touch with your ex
- Everything in your daily life seems to remind you of them
- You compare your new relationships with what you had with your ex
- You keep checking what they’re doing on their social media accounts
- You value and possibly even display the gifts they gave you
- You still envision them as part of your life in the future
- You look for excuses to be in the areas they visit frequently
- You dream about them
- You get jealous or protective of them
- You make decisions in your life based on your ex’s preferences
What are your thoughts, Pandas? How would you react if you found out that your significant other has a secret box full of mementos from their ex, constantly reminiscing about their past relationship? What advice would you give the author of the viral post if you could talk to her directly? Would you consider divorce? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Here's how some internet users reacted to the heartfelt story. They thought the woman was right to be upset
However, a few people also thought she was guilty in this situation, too
