Most people would likely agree that trust is one of the key elements in a happy and healthy relationship. That’s why no matter how big or small the reason, breaking it can have irreversible consequences.
For this redditor, it was learning that her entire marriage was built on lies that broke the trust completely. Not only was her now husband hiding the truth about how they met 20 years ago, he was stalking her then, which made it impossible for the woman to continue with life as she knew it.
Trust is typically the foundation of any romantic relationship
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This woman’s trust was broken when she learned that her husband lied about the way they met two decades ago
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Fellow redditors shared their thoughts on the OP’s mind-boggling discovery in the comments under the post
The redditor shared an update with the netizens disclosing how the story developed
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Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
Lack of trust can eventually lead to the relationship reaching its final point
Any relationship typically involves some level of trust, be it a best friend that you confide in or a car mechanic that you trust to do his job well. But it’s safe to assume that romantic relationships require building a level of trust stronger than most, especially if the couple expects to spend the rest of their lives together.
Anyone who’s ever tried maintaining a relationship with someone they care about has likely experienced just how important being able to trust them is. And research backs that up; one of the numerous studies on the matter suggests that lack of trust can lead to conflictual situations in a couple as well as an inclination to end the relationship altogether.
Researcher of relationships and marriage expert John Gottman seconded the idea that such confidence in one’s partner is crucially important for the well-being of the relationship. After having scientifically tested certain trust and betrayal metrics, the expert found that a high level of trust positively affects the connection between significant others.
In a piece for the Greater Good Magazine, Gottman emphasized that trust is gained little by little over time. Providing an example from his own personal experience of being there for his wife when she was upset, he explained that it’s all in the small moments: “Now, at that moment, I was building trust; I was there for her. I was connecting with her rather than choosing to think only about what I wanted. These are the moments, we’ve discovered, that build trust.”
The expert added that one such moment might not be that important, but always choosing to turn away from your person in similar situations might gradually and slowly erode the relationship entirely.
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Secrecy can cause irreversible damage, even if the relationship survives
One of the things that erode trust in the relationship the most is lying, which, according to a ‘Science of Honesty’ study, can negatively affect not only people’s relationships but their health as well. Over the course of the study—10 weeks, to be exact—participants had to refrain from telling major and minor lies, which resulted in fewer mental-health (feeling tense or melancholy) and physical (sore throats and headaches) complaints, as well as improved personal relationships and smoother social interactions.
Unfortunately, roughly one-in-ten married couples admit they don’t trust their significant other, which can be quite painful for both sides, especially the longer it lasts. “For everyone involved, the pain of the secrecy compounds the pain over the initial event, and the longer the deception continues, the more damaging it is to self-esteem,” licensed marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, and author Darlene Lancer wrote in Psychology Today.
The expert also pointed out that when the truth eventually does come out, it can make the person make sense of their partner’s peculiar behavior or explain things previously unknown; but it can also be devastating and traumatic to find that the person they loved and trusted has betrayed them. “It can shatter the image we have of our partner, as well as our confidence in ourselves and even reality itself,” she pointed out, adding that even if the relationship survives such a hit, there’s still loss when trust is broken.
According to the OP’s update, her relationship wasn’t immediately cut off, as the couple was trying to figure things out with the help of therapy. Yet some redditors in the comments seemed concerned over the woman’s decision to stay in touch with her husband after learning what he has done in the past.
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People in the comments seemed concerned about the OP’s well-being and safety
