Romantic relationships and marriage are meant to be genuine partnerships. They’re based on mutual understanding, respect, sincerity, and support. And while following your passion is important, things can get pretty tough if one partner is the sole breadwinner and all the financial pressure is on their shoulders.
Mumsnet user GeofferyLLama asked the internet for advice regarding a sensitive situation at home. She opened up about how for the past decade her husband has been working on various personal projects instead of getting a stable job, and she’s at the end of her rope. Scroll down for the full story, including advice from the net, and a rather surprising twist to the story. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral post, GeofferyLLama, and she was kind enough to share a wholesome update with us.
Taking a risk and focusing on your passion projects is fine, so long as you don't leave the financial burden entirely for your partner to bear
Image credits: stefamerpik / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman asked for advice online, wondering whether she should give her husband an ultimatum to get a job after a decade of working on passion projects
Image credits: wayhomestudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GeofferyLLama
There's a lot of stress and anxiety that comes from being the sole breadwinner in your family
Image credits: milanmarkovic / freepik (not the actual photo)
The awesome bit of news that the author shared with Bored Panda is that her husband has successfully found a job.
"The good news is my husband just accepted a job offer as a university lecturer," GeofferyLLama shared an update with us.
"It's going to be a big change," she said. "A part of me has got very used to him always being around, getting me tea when I'm working and running the kids around, but it's also a massive weight off my shoulders."
There are other benefits besides a second paycheck in the family. "It's also great for him to be back in the workplace, doing something he loves," GeofferyLLama said. "I'm glad I vented on Mumsnet, as it pushed me to confront the issue."
The author reiterated the fact that it's very stressful being the only breadwinner in the family. "That stress is even bigger when you're freelance and are never sure where you next paycheck is coming from."
Passion, ambition, creativity, and perseverance are all incredibly important parts of any person’s career, sure. Nobody’s criticizing anyone for working on their passion projects in their spare time. And there are other non-financial ways to contribute to your family's welfare, too.
However, what you do in life can’t all revolve exclusively around pie-in-the-sky projects and expensive, time-consuming, creative ventures.
You have to be practical. You have to get the basics right. You have to have a stable job to put food on the table and keep a roof over your head. If you have children, it’s even more important to have a dual income, unless you’ve had the good luck of being born into a well-off family or recently hit the jackpot.
If there’s a mismatch between reality and expectations, open and honest communication is your best strategy. It can be incredibly awkward to talk to your partner about sensitive topics like money. However, issues don’t get solved by ignoring them.
It might take a few conversations to get on the same page, but it’s all worth it in the end. Ideally, you want to find a fine balance between being firm yet friendly. Being judgmental only makes the other person get defensive. However, being too lenient means that your personal boundaries might get ignored.
It can be incredibly stressful to be the sole breadwinner. The risk with there being only one breadwinner is that if they unexpectedly get laid off or take time off to skill up or pivot to a new position, it potentially puts the entire family’s livelihood at risk.
Meanwhile, when both partners work, they can support each other financially if one of them needs time to get a new job.
It's probably a good idea for everyone to have an emergency fund to rely on in case you or your partner lose your job
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Whatever your unique situation might be, it’s a good rule of thumb to always have an emergency fund so that you can weather at least some bad luck and metaphorical storms that life throws your way.
Broadly speaking, the bigger your emergency fund, the better, because you have more flexibility with a larger safety net. However, putting all of your hard-earned cash into your emergency fund might not be the best strategy: at some point, you should consider investing a part of your savings.
According to HSBC, having emergency savings that you can fall back on means that you won’t have to borrow money or make difficult financial decisions during tough moments like losing your job, paying medical bills, or repairing your car or home.
The bank recommends that you have at least 3 months’ worth of living expenses in your emergency fund, aiming for 6 months’ worth.
This money should cover your core monthly expenses like rent or mortgage payments, as well as your expenses on food, transportation, etc.
“You may want to open a separate savings account for your emergency fund so you’re not tempted to dip into it. Ideally, you want to be able to access the money quickly, if you need it, so you don’t want it to be in a locked savings account or invested,” HSBC suggests.
“A good way to stick to your savings plan is to set up a standing order to move money into a savings account each month. If you schedule it for the day you get paid, you’ll lower the temptation to spend it. You can also put extra money into your savings account whenever you want. If you have money left over at the end of a month, why not add it to your savings?”
What are your thoughts about the entire situation? Have you ever been the sole breadwinner in your relationship or had serious discussions about money? How long do you think it’s fair to let your partner focus on their creative ventures before (gently) pressuring them to get a job? Let us know in the comments.
Many readers were quick to react, while others offered the author some heartfelt advice
Some internet users used the opportunity to share similar stories
Later, the woman confronted her husband, and things genuinely turned out well
