Look, it’s no secret that being a new parent is hard. But parenting is all about true partnership, respect, and fairness. If your significant other truly has your back, there’s no challenge you can’t overcome. On the other hand, if you’re stuck doing the lion’s share of the childcare and housework while your partner barely lifts a finger, it’s no wonder if you feel frustrated and resentful.
The sprawling ‘Relationship Advice’ online community weighed in on a new mom’s delicate situation at home. The woman revealed how her lazy husband yelled at her because he had to take care of their baby for a little while. Scroll down to read the full story, including how things soon spiraled completely out of control.
Your spouse is meant to have your back. It is beyond devastating if they don't help out at home
Image credits: micens / Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman begged the net for help after sharing how her husband, who barely helps with the childcare and housework, yelled at her
Image credits: CristianBlazMar / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GrassyPer
New parents must have each other's backs. You have to pitch in with the childcare and chores as needed, not when you feel like it
Image credits: Andy Quezada / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
To put it bluntly, it is unacceptable that one parent has to take on the vast majority of the childcare and housework while the other spends most of their time on leisure activities. It’s unfair. It’s disrespectful. And it places a lot of stress on the relationship.
To be clear, dividing the childcare and housework in a fair way doesn’t necessarily mean a ‘perfect’ 50/50 split. You have to take into account your family's context. Maybe one parent works from home and has more flexibility than the other. Maybe someone is the primary breadwinner, and it makes financial sense for them to focus more on work.
But whatever the case might be, you cannot and should not expect your partner to do everything by themselves. Parenting is a team sport, and both partners need to pitch in when needed.
You don’t complain about changing diapers, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, cooking, etc. You simply do these things alongside your partner. Because that’s what responsible adults do.
Ideally, you will support your partner just like they support you. You take turns resting, recharging, having some privacy, and maybe even doing a social activity or two once in a while. When you need extra support, you ask for it. It’s also a good idea to reach out to your family and friends to see if they can babysit for a few hours so that you and your significant other can spend some alone time together, even if it’s just a quick date or catching up on sleep.
What you do not do, on the other hand, is yell and blame your partner because you have to be a parent in between your gaming and video-watching sessions. It’s immature. It’s toxic. And it points to more serious relationship red flags.
You have to be honest with yourself about your partner's behaviors and habits, and whether they're toxic
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According to Verywell Mind, when evaluating your relationship, you should look at which behaviors the other person displays most frequently. You have to look at the full picture and see if the good outweighs the bad or vice versa. But broadly speaking, if someone is constantly threatening your well-being, you are stuck in a toxic relationship.
Some of the biggest warning signs that someone is a toxic individual are if they are often jealous, negative, self-centered, selfish, critical, demeaning, distrusting, disrespectful, and violent.
On the other hand, healthy behaviors are the opposite of these things. Healthy individuals are secure, loving, positive, giving, selfless, encouraging, uplifting, trustworthy, compassionate, and respectful.
You should be seriously concerned if you consistently feel disrespected, your self-esteem is suffering, and you feel devalued and depleted.
It is also unacceptable if you constantly feel attacked, demeaned, misunderstood, and unsupported in your relationship. Other red flags include feeling depressed, angry, or tired after spending time with the other person, and changing your behavior because you’re scared of how they’ll react. Moreover, it’s not healthy if you’re seemingly always to blame even when something is your partner’s fault.
This is a very sensitive topic, but we would like to hear your perspectives, Pandas. What would you do in this situation? How do you fairly divide up the childcare and housework at home with your partner? What do you do to show your significant other that you appreciate them?
The internet had a lot to say about the disturbing situation the woman found herself in
Later, the author revealed how the situation at home spiraled. Things got even worse
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Image credits: DC_Studio / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GrassyPer
Here's what people said after reading the emotional update
