Becoming a new parent can be overwhelming at first. Your entire life flips upside down, and you have a ton of new priorities. But if you have a solid partner by your side who supports you as much as you do them, things are much more manageable. And yet, if they’re overprotective of you while also shying away from their responsibilities as a parent, things can get messy.
One new mom shared her story with the AITA online community because she felt guilty for being more proactive. When her husband failed to get them food as he promised, she decided to do that instead, leaving him with the newborn for 15 minutes. However, he guilt-tripped her for doing this. You’ll find the full story, as well as the advice that internet users gave the mom, below.
Parenting is meant to be a team effort. However, things can get weird if your partner has controlling tendencies without fully embracing their parental role
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A new mom turned to the net for advice after feeling guilty for going out to get food, leaving her baby with her husband for 15 minutes
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Happy and healthy relationships require that you and your partner respect and see each other as equals
The issue at the core of the story is that the woman’s husband seems to be sending very mixed signals. On the one hand, he’s demanding that his wife do nothing and that he’ll take care of everything. While genuine support where needed is appreciated, patronizing and infantilizing behavior toward your partner most definitely isn’t.
On the other hand, through his actions, the husband showed that he’s not as reliable as he thinks he is. First of all, he showed that he’s not willing to follow through with his promises, namely, to get food when he said that he’d go out to get food.
Secondly, he showed that he has other priorities than his wife and newborn. When your wife, who has just given birth, is hungry, why would you go help out someone else instead?
And thirdly, he demonstrated that he views his wife as the main person to take care of their child. He tried to guilt-trip her into leaving the baby with him for 15 minutes while she went out to get food, like he said he would, but didn’t.
Trying to make your spouse feel guilty for supposedly not being a ‘good’ parent is awful behavior. It’s toxic. It’s demeaning. And it’s weirdly controlling. If your partner has the energy and willpower to be independent and do things for themselves, wouldn’t you be happy for them?
Controlling romantic partners typically try to stop you from living your life like you usually would. As PsychCentral notes, some signs of control include things like your significant other trying to control your finances, telling you when you can(’t) go to work or school, telling you what you can wear, pressuring you to stay at a certain weight, supervising what you buy at the grocery store, asking about your phone conversations, etc.
Someone who is controlling also likes making decisions for you. “There’s a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. But it may be the latter if your partner routinely makes decisions for you,” PsychCentral warns.
A controlling significant other may try to decide things for you and manage your behavior, as well as who you spend your time with
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Some red flags to look out for include things like your partner taking up all of your time, insisting that they drive you everywhere, not asking for your opinion before making decisions that affect your home, and criticizing how you dress.
Meanwhile, being overprotective is also a problem. To be clear, it’s incredibly nice if your partner is kind and caring and wants the best for you. However, in some cases, they might be exerting control by masquerading as protecting you.
For instance, overprotective partners dislike it if you don’t answer your phone right away when they call. They also act jealous of your family and friends, and question who you meet when you go out.
“A controlling partner may also be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against a co-worker they don’t like,” PsychCentral states.
“Any of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. But if your partner or spouse repeatedly acts this way and won’t take your interests, needs, and opinions into account, they might be trying to control you.”
Moreover, controlling individuals also invade your privacy and disregard your boundaries. They might look through your messages or call history, go through your things, or read your diary. What’s more, they tend to constantly ask you how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.
In the meantime, someone who is very controlling has a tough time taking responsibility for their actions. They find ways to blame everyone else, including you, but themselves.
“You may confront your partner, only to find that they’ve somehow turned it back around on you. You may even find yourself apologizing for something you didn’t know you needed to be sorry for.”
What do you think, Pandas? Share your impressions in the comments. How do you think new parents can better support each other when there’s a newborn at home? Where do you think the line is when someone is too protective of their significant other? Meanwhile, how can parents share their responsibilities in a fairer, more equal way?
Here's what people had to say about the bizarre situation. While most were very supportive of the mom, others were far more critical of her
