You should know someone pretty well by the time you walk down the aisle with them. And, more importantly, you should like them. This is the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with after all. Unfortunately, many people think they can change someone else once they’ve put a ring on it…
Like one woman who, after a mere 7 months of marriage, decided her husband’s hobbies were immature and unhealthy. Instead of having a grown-up conversation about it and coming to a compromise, she decided to destroy all of his Star Wars figurines - going as far as burning and melting some. The man has shared his side of the story… And all we’ll say is, “May the force be with her.”
He's been collecting Star Wars figurines since he was a teenager and still has them as a grown, married man
Image credits: InquisitorEngel (not the actual photo)
But his new wife thinks his hobbies are "immature" and "unhealthy," so she burned his collectables
Image credits: Ahmet Kurt (not the actual photo)
He thanked people for their advice and announced his next move
The man set up a "trap" to test his wife, and she failed spectacularly
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
He then revealed that she'd been begging him to come back home
The man gave another short update after speaking to his family, friends, and lawyer
In a final post, he said divorce proceedings were underway and that his wife would be paying him a lump sum for the figurines
Image source: Gonzo_Fish
How to support your spouse even if you dislike their hobbies, according to experts
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Many will agree that it's good to have hobbies. They allow us to meet new people, learn new things, destress, and relax. We might not always understand - or like - our partner's choice of hobby, but that doesn't mean we can't support them.
Dr Andrea Towers Scott is an expert in interpersonal and family communication. She says there are several ways we can do this. One is financially.
"We can budget funds to allow him to buy new gear or take a trip," suggests Towers Scott. "Financial support is very important because family budgets are tight, especially now. When we devote money to our spouse’s hobby, we are letting them know that their hobby is important to us, too."
She adds that you could also consider giving birthday or Christmas gifts that support his hobby. Or why not give the gift of time by carving out space in the family schedule that allows your spouse time to do what they love?
"You don’t have to love your husband’s hobby to show interest in it," Towers Scott says. "Ask questions! Not sure how to engage in a conversation about the hobby? Remember the 5Ws and an H: who, what, where, why, when, and how. These are a great start to questions about any topic."
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Stephen J. Betchen, believes that hobbies can become a bone of contention if a couple is unable to tolerate the time and money a partner puts into something. However, he says some people use hobbies as an excuse for conflict when there's another issue at play.
"Partners can use differing interests or a failure to negotiate or support them against one another to mask deeper incompatibilities," he explains. "If a couple is not emotionally or physically attracted to one another, or if one or both have intimacy issues, partners can use hobbies and various interests to distance themselves from one another."
What to do if you and your partner can't see eye-to-eye about hobbies...
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
Clinical psychologist, Dr Samantha Rodman Whiten, has seen the scenario many times before: couples arguing and bickering because one can't stand the other's hobby or hobbies. She says when she works with couples like this in counseling, her first step is to figure out why the wife is responding poorly to the man’s hobbies.
“Generally, it is either that she is jealous of his prioritization of the hobby because she feels he is always avoiding time with her, or that he is acting more self-centered (including leaving her with the kids constantly) due to the hobby," Whiten reveals. "And of course, sometimes she is overwhelmed and stressed, and the time he spends engaged in the hobby is terrifying to her because she is too depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed to manage the kids alone during the time he spends away.”
The expert adds that she’ll try to help the couple by encouraging them to spend more quality time together. She’ll also coach them on creating a life and relationship where the couple unit takes priority over all other aspects.
“This can be as simple as the man understanding that, of course, she feels resentful about weekly golfing if he never puts a weekly date night on the calendar,” Whiten explains. “When he empathizes with her feelings and begins to proactively plan time with her, her resentment about the hobby recedes.”
The clinical psychologist says there are times the man needs to shift his perspective and “see that kids are only young once, and his wife needs his physical presence a lot more with a baby or toddler than she will as the children age.”
According to Whiten, it's not unusual for hobbies to take a back seat during "the trenches of new parenthood or the transition to multiple kids." She says it's actually healthy and normal as is making family time a central priority while children are young.
"Empathy with his wife’s overwhelm is also an integral piece of moving forward," adds the expert. "If the man understands how difficult his wife finds it to parent the kids alone, he may also bring the kids along to his hobby (e.g., running with a jogging stroller or teaching older kids how to play golf)."
"Evil": many people were shocked and felt the woman had underlying issues
