When going to a social gathering with food, there are always spoken and unspoken rules everyone should stick to. For example, what to wear, how to act, if and what to bring, and so on. But some people like to ignore these rules.
Like the mother-in-law from today's story. Anytime her daughter-in-law hosts a gathering with food, she asks the guests to not bring anything – but the MIL always does. Then she proceeds to not let the DIL eat it. So, it's no wonder the woman started thinking of ways to get back at her MIL, is it?
More info: Mumsnet
How to react when your guest keeps undermining both you and your prepared food?
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A mother-in-law keeps bringing prepped food and baked goods anytime her daughter-in-law hosts any gathering with food
Image credits: Quinn Dombrowski / Flickr (not the actual photo)
The thing is, the woman asks her guests to not bring anything, but her mom-in-law disregards it
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
And what's even worse is that when she brings her food (which is also untasty), she never gives it to her daughter-in-law, saying there's not enough for everyone
Image credits: MrsPassiveAggressive
So, the woman came up with a plan to "out-dessert" her and posted about it online
Stories about women not getting along with their mothers-in-law seem to be never-ending. Just as there are many stories about it, there are many reasons why these complicated dynamics happen. In some cases, the moms don’t like the women their kids chose. Others are jealous or are competing for the attention of their kid.
Today’s story is another of this kind. While we don’t know the real reason for the tension between the women, the point is how it manifests – through food.
From time to time, the OP hosts gatherings with food. Anytime the mother-in-law is invited, she undermines the hostess. More specifically, her cooked food. She always brings something she’s cooked or baked, even though she’s never asked to do so.
If you Google whether bringing food without being asked to is rude, you can find plenty of links to forums where people discuss this matter. This suggests that likely there is no set-in-stone rule on how to act in this situation. At the same time, quite a few people wrote that yes, it is rude. Like this Quora answer, which pointed out that it’s always best to ask the host/ess whether they would accept something brought by the guest into the curated menu.
Bored Panda's interviewee Alison M. Cheperdak from "Elevate Etiquette" said that guest shouldn't bring any foods or drinks to be served at a party unless a host specifically asks them.
The OP, the hostess, always tells the guests to not bring anything. Yet, the MIL doesn’t listen. Alison M. Cheperdak said that in such cases "A host can reiterate when the guest RSVP’s that a bringing a dish is not necessarily although appreciated. Expressing gratitude for their enthusiasm for helping is key here."
Well, we could say that the original poster doesn't really appreciate her mother-in-law's brought food. The reason for it might not be the unasked food itself, but the fact that she always serves it to every guest except her daughter-in-law. There have been instances when she brought food and informed the author that it was for everyone except her. Rude, isn’t it?
What makes it all worse is the fact that the MIL is a terrible cook. As the author said, she doesn’t put that special ingredient in her food – love. Basically, the ingredient of love means that there’s care put into the cooking or baking. Things like paying attention to what the people who’ll eat it like the most.
Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In fact, people prefer food that’s prepared with love, as proven by research. Knowing that someone made it with good intentions can significantly improve the meal's enjoyment. As the OP let us know, the MIL doesn’t cook because she cares, she does it to upstage her daughter-in-law. So, not the best intention. And so, her food isn’t as tasty as it could be.
Our interviewee said that when it comes to the situations of addressing family member's bad cooking, usually it's best not to, unless it's egregious.
The author never said anything to MIL about her poor cooking. Still, combining every single her food offense, the woman is on her last nerve.
Plus, opposite to the mother-in-law, she is a very good cook and baker. And it isn’t something that she brags about without proof. She makes cakes and desserts for other people, and if they were bad, they wouldn’t ask, would they?
So, she decided to “out-dessert” her MIL. Basically, she’d do the same thing to her husband’s mom as she does to her. Only this time the food is supposed to be better.
Some people online understood where she was coming from with this plan. The mother-in-law was doing power plays, so doing the same to her is valid, even if it’s petty. Others suggested some additional ways she could “get revenge.” For example, by putting pet hair into the MIL’s food and calling her out in front of everyone.
Maybe inspired by such ideas, the OP wrote in the comments about a plan to sabotage the husband’s mom’s food. Instead of pet hair, as suggested, she decided to inject a salty solution. It would ruin the meal, yet it wouldn’t be pinned on her.
But she didn’t go through with it. Instead, a tad later she wrote that instead of bending over backward, she now will just let the MIL be responsible for dessert. Why waste her good-tasting food on those who don’t appreciate it, right?
Maybe the last choice (at least that we’re aware of) is the best one. Sabotaging the MIL’s food could only deepen the tension between them. And now, maybe when guests are served only the MIL’s untasty desserts, they’ll call it out. Let’s just hope that in one way or another, they’ll be able to work this out.
Netizens supported her and even gave her extra ideas, but she later wrote that she'll simply let the mother-in-law be responsible for the desserts and not sweat trying to outdo her
