Looking after newborns can be exciting and also exhausting for parents, but once you add in sleep deprivation, it becomes a recipe for chaos. Couples often struggle to understand each other’s point-of-view during this time, mainly because they’re trying to cope with the demands of the new baby while also low on rest.
This is what happened to one married couple where the husband felt annoyed after his postpartum wife got mad at him for waking her up a bit later than she told him to. He then refused to wake her up ever again.
More info: Reddit
Marriage is a partnership, and it might be tested during times of intense stress, like after just having a baby
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man mentioned that his wife had given birth six months ago and was chronically sleep-deprived as she kept having to get up for late-night feedings while he slept
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite her lack of sleep, the woman wanted her husband to wake her up every morning and ensure she’d be awake within 10 minutes, but he felt annoyed doing that
The poster would sometimes wake her up a few minutes late, and one day, his wife snapped that she didn’t have enough time to get all their kids ready
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The man reached his breaking point and told his wife that he’d never wake her up in the morning again and that she was a big girl who could be responsible for herself
It makes sense why the couple was struggling to get enough sleep and seemed snappy at each other; they didn’t just have a 6-month-old to look after, but three more young children. According to a Snuz survey, 7 out of 10 parents tend to lose an average of three hours of sleep every night in the year following their baby’s birth.
This intense sleep deprivation, coupled with other chores and parenting duties, is enough to make people feel on edge. It’s no wonder that the OP and his wife kept having small conflicts with each other, one of which was about her being woken up in the morning.
To understand more about dealing with strained relationships after pregnancy, Bored Panda reached out to Ashley Bishop Lapierre. She is a registered psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional (PMH-C). She said that “having a baby changes absolutely every aspect of our lives. We change as individuals, and therefore, we change as partners.”
“Before having children, there is more time to focus on the relationship and a lot less stress to strain the relationship. Suddenly, it can feel like there is little to no time or energy to invest in connection, as many parents will place the romantic connection on the back burner during this time,” she explained.
It also seemed like apart from the stress of parenting little humans, the man felt resentful of having to wake up his “night owl” wife. He even tried suggesting different ways she could get up early, but she wanted him to take on that responsibility, which left him frustrated.
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The OP reached his breaking point after his wife one day criticized him for waking her up late. She told him that she didn’t have enough time to get the children ready, but he took that criticism to heart and refused to wake her up again. He insisted that she was capable enough to get up on her own without his help.
Ashley Bishop mentioned that “relationship partners must remember they are on the same team, not the opposing one. They are both working towards the same goals and want the same things. It can quickly turn into a ‘me versus you’ dynamic where we keep score and become sensitive to our partner's missteps.”
“When we approach relationships with the understanding that we are on the same team, we become more invested in our teammate's well-being. We want our partner to meet their needs because we know that makes the house smoother. It can be helpful for partners to get into a habit of checking in with each other.”
“In postpartum, we can assume that parents are tired, overworked, and stressed. When in the trenches, healthy couples will check in to see how each other is doing. These might be simple questions like: How did you sleep? Did you eat today? How can we make sure you are able to get a shower each day?” Ashley added.
It’s clear that both the husband and wife in this story felt that they were on opposing sides, and neither wanted to admit that they’d made a mistake. This ended up prolonging their conflict and made them both feel hurt and unsatisfied.
Ashley explained that “open communication is the key to surviving big transitions like pregnancy and postpartum as a couple. Couples who proactively discuss significant life changes will increase the likelihood of navigating through the transition smoothly.”
Do you side with the OP or his wife in this story? What do you think they could possibly do to compromise in this situation? We’d love to hear your opinion, so do share it!
Folks understood the man’s point of view but also felt that he should pitch in more with the parenting duties so that his wife wouldn’t be so tired all of the time
