There are people who care about what other folks think about them. And there are people who don’t really care about this type of thing. However, knowing that somebody, especially our friends, genuinely likes us makes us feel secure and fulfilled. And you know, A Conscious Rethink states that wanting to be liked by people is a natural part of our social and emotional needs.
Anyway, this desire to be liked also depends on what kind of people we are talking about. We want our friends or acquaintances to like us and think of us as nice people; however, when we are meeting with our in-laws, it may feel like a must for them to like us. It’s our extended family, it’s important to have a good relationship, who wants to feel constant tension in the family anyway?
More info: Reddit
Everybody is different, some our qualities may be liked by some our friends or family, while others may find them annoying
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Guy ponders if he was being a jerk for telling his wife that his mother will never love her and she can just stop trying
Image credits: Quiet_Ninja9866
Image credits: Samuel Peter (not the actual photo)
Guy shares that his mother is cold, tired, disinterested in new people and prefers quiet time
Image credits: Quiet_Ninja9866
Image credits: Monstera (not the actual photo)
Despite knowing this, his wife kept bothering his mom the whole evening until she finally asked him to take his wife away from her
Image credits: Quiet_Ninja9866
His wife explained that she is being nice and wants his mom to love her, but the man just explained that she needs to stop trying because she never will
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared his recent situation asking community members if he was wrong to tell his wife that his mother is not going to love her and she can quit trying to change it. The post received a lot of attention and in just 2 days it had almost 20K upvotes and more than 3.6K comments.
OP starts his story by explaining that his mother is cold, tired, doesn’t have much affection left to give anyone and is just disinterested in his wife. His wife is aware of this, but one evening when they had a little get together at OP’s mom's place, it looked like she forgot about this issue. OP shares that all evening, his wife kept talking to his mum without stopping, despite her requests for quiet time. However, she couldn’t take it anymore and asked OP to take his wife away from her.
Naturally, this made the author's wife upset. After this, they had a talk and she explained that she is just being nice and just wants OP’s mom to like her. However, the author explained that she will never love her and she just needs to stop trying. With this behavior, she is just making his mom dislike her more and asked her to leave the woman alone. Well, after this conversation, OP was called a jerk and received the silent treatment from the wife.
On the contrary, community members gave the author the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. They also emphasized that OP’s wife is lucky to have a MIL who isn't annoying or rude. “Honestly it sounds like OP’s wife hit the MIL lottery. A MIL that wants absolutely nothing to do with you but isn’t necessarily rude or trying to make your life miserable?! That’s a blessing,” one user wrote. “I would actually look forward to these kinds of family gatherings,” another added.
Image credits: Michelle Leman (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Chelsey Liaga, who is a couples therapist and marriage coach. She kindly agreed to share her professional insights regarding the validation that people seek from in-laws, family dynamics and effective communication.
To begin with, Chelsey starts that it’s actually common to have conflicts between spouses and in-laws after marriage. The reasons may be various - sometimes it’s because everyone has different expectations of each other, different opinions on how things should be in the family or parents being jealous of their kid’s new spouse. Looking at this, the comment that OP’s wife is lucky to have a MIL like her really makes sense.
Speaking about the impact of desire for validation from in-laws on marriage in general, the therapist says that “Often people look for what they didn't get from their parents in their in-laws. And despite that, looking for love, affection, and connection from family members isn't a bad thing, but if the person you are looking to connect with isn't willing or capable of giving you the healthy connection you're looking for, it will hurt you more in the end and create conflict in your marriage.”
And in the end, when a spouse is having problems with their in-laws, it puts their partner in the awkward position of choosing between their parents and spouse.
Moreover, Chelsey shares that the best thing you can do when communicating about sensitive topics is to use I statements and share your emotions. “For example, instead of saying ‘Your parents don't love me’ try saying ‘When I try to talk to your mom and she ignores me, it makes me feel lonely.’”
“When you share your emotions instead of attacking your spouse's parents it puts your partner in the position to be able to help you through your emotions, instead of feeling like they need to defend their parents,” she emphasizes.
So folks, what do you think about this situation? Who, in your opinion, was wrong in this situation?
Folks online backed the author up and had discussions regarding his mum's behavior
