Giving birth is one of the scariest things a human can do. It’s exciting and often results in the happiest day of a parent’s life, but it’s certainly not an experience that many people want to have alone. So when one man’s wife unexpectedly went into labor early while he was stuck at work, she was understandably upset. But now, over a year later, she’s still having a difficult time letting it go.
Below, you’ll find the full story that this father recently shared on Reddit detailing the issues he and his wife have been battling, as well as a conversation with marriage and family therapist Dr. Lee Baucom, PhD.
This dad missed the birth of his child when his wife unexpectedly went into labor early
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo)
But after a year of being reminded that he wasn't there, he's finally reached his breaking point
Image credits: 1footage / envato (not the actual photo)
Image source: Key_Atmosphere6114
"It is usually unfair and almost always unhelpful to bring up unrelated issues during an argument"
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna / pexels (not the actual photo)
To learn more about this situation, we reached out to marriage and family therapist, and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom, PhD. Dr. Baucom was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about why it was so important for this mother to have her husband by her side while giving birth.
"The opportunity for both parents to be present, at least in a hospital birth, is fairly recent," the therapist noted. And research has found that moms who have a companion by their side while giving birth may have shorter labors, less painful labors and require less medical intervention. But Dr. Baucom says that, in this situation, being alone might not have been the root of the issue.
"It is great when both parents can have that experience together. It is bonding at an important moment of transition in their family," Dr. Baucom shared. "My guess, though, in this situation, the real issue was fear."
"A birth that is a month early can add fear to an already stressful event. It would be natural to want a partner to be there. Given the situation, though, from the husband's details, that was not possible... Even though he wanted to be there," he explained.
We also asked the marriage expert if it's ever a good idea to rehash the past when arguing with your partner. "It is usually unfair and almost always unhelpful to bring up unrelated issues during an argument. That shifts the argument away from the issue at hand. And when you do that, you rarely find any resolution," he noted.
"Resolve this and put it to rest, or continue in a stuck pattern of arguing and hurt"
Image credits:Andrew Neel / pexels (not the actual photo)
"Most couples just continue to try to out-play each other with yet another issue. It really is dirty fighting," Dr. Baucom says. "If there are lingering issues, they need to be resolved. If you don't resolve them, then making them ammunition for future arguments guarantees damage to the relationship."
And as far as advice the expert would give to this couple, he says they first need to determine what the real issue is. "Given the circumstances, it seems that the situation is an unfortunate one. She didn't do what she knew to do to contact him. He wasn't able to be there, given their life choices and circumstances, and both lost out on the bonding."
"So, why is it a point of contention? In other words, what problem is there that this is just a symptom of? Until that is resolved, they are stuck in a cycle of dead-end conflict and hurt," the therapist shared.
"Whether intentional or not, the delivery situation has become a power tool. The wife is using the situation as a way to get the upper-hand in arguments. And yet, it is surely tied to pain for both of them," Dr. Baucom says.
According to the expert, the couple has a choice here. "Resolve this and put it to rest, or continue in a stuck pattern of arguing and hurt. One will help them bond as a team. The other will continue to undermine their connection and their relationship. Resolve and bond, or stay stuck and hurt. They have a choice."
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this father handled this situation poorly? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you'd like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, we recommend reading this one next.
Readers had plenty to say about the situation, and the father joined in to share more background information
Many readers empathized with the husband and provided advice on how to repair his marriage
However, some thought that the man should have been more considerate towards his wife
