Tired Of Her Husband’s Laziness, Woman Takes A Vacation To Make Him Realize How Much She Does

Raising a family is a difficult task. Trying to juggle work, chores, looking after the kids and much, much more takes a lot of time and effort. So, it’s important for parents to work together and share the load. But what happens when this isn’t the case?

Recently, u/71910sj101 on Reddit shared her experience of feeling like a single parent despite being married and living with her husband. Although he was taking on the role of a father well before, he started making excuses and shirking his responsibilities in the household. Saying he was “too tired” to help her do anything meant she had to do double duties instead, leaving her feeling twice as exhausted.

Finally reaching her breaking point, she decided a solo vacation was needed to recover and let her husband get on with it for a change. She made her arrangements and took a break without telling him beforehand.

If she wanted a reaction from him, she got it. But after hearing his side of the story, she wondered if this was the right thing to do or if it was necessary to send a message. Read on for the story and decide for yourself.

Whether it’s being overworked, unappreciated or probably both, it’s sadly an all too familiar scenario for moms. Many feel the same way and would also act out accordingly in this situation.

Nancy Colier, a psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher, confirms this. She said, “What’s most remarkable is the fact that (from my research) most moms feel unappreciated. Moms from all walks of life describe feeling unacknowledged and unseen for what they do and are for their families.”

She goes on to explain the psychology behind it: “As human beings, we all long to be appreciated, to have our goodness seen, our positive intentions and efforts recognized. We want to be known and valued for what we do that’s helpful. To want and need appreciation is a primal human longing.”

Not to mention, the mom in this story explains just how exhausted she was with doing all the housework whilst also doing her usual day job.

Many others have also had to adjust to new ways of managing their life whilst working at home under COVID-19 lockdowns. For those with children, it meant juggling multiple roles at the same time: from trying to earn a living, to being an impromptu school teacher and also just being a parent.

It can be incredibly hard to focus on important business when you remember that there’s equally important laundry and other household chores that need to be done at the same time. And having to break up an argument between the kids as well.

According to a recent survey completed by Boston Consulting Group, parents now spend an additional 27 hours each week on household chores, childcare, and education than before the pandemic. This can almost be equated to having a second job.

In the same research, they found that women spend on average 15 hours per week more than men on domestic labor. This works out at about over 2 hours extra per day.

Although it was a difficult situation, it's one that a lot of couples may encounter or have already had to contend with. For some advice on this situation, I turned to Nicole Schwarz—a family therapist, parent coach and founder of the Imperfect Families blog. Her upcoming book It Starts With You is available for pre-order and encourages us to explore how our history, thoughts, and assumptions impact our parenting decisions.

Nicole told Bored Panda, "Rather than being silent about feelings, I would encourage moms to use an 'I statement', such as, 'I feel overwhelmed at the end of the day when dinner needs to be prepared and both kids need help with their homework.'"

She continued, "Then, ask for what you need using specific language: 'I need to focus on making dinner from 5-6 pm.' After this, work towards a solution together. Criticizing, blaming, and pointing out the other person's failures or flaws will not lead to a healthy, productive conversation."

To tackle inequalities of responsibilities, it’s always best to discuss how you’re feeling with your partner and sometimes taking a stance. This is exactly what happened here. Another example of this, however, is learning how to say “no”.

Amy Morin, psychotherapist and editor-in-chief of ‘Verywell Mind’, said, "Sometimes, the more you do for people without complaining, the more they expect you to do. And they might forget to appreciate all you do for them."

“So it may be helpful to say ‘no’ sometimes. This can remind people not to take it for granted that you’ll always be willing and available to pitch in,” she said.