It is true that stepparents don’t always develop a strong and close relationship with their stepchildren. They might not love them as much as their own children or they may not understand all the sacrifices that the biological parents are prepared to suffer if they don’t have their own kids.
However, this man on Reddit is pretty sure that his wife had no reason to break the law. The woman felt that she needed to do it to protect her daughter from her ex-husband’s new girlfriend, but her husband is contemplating reporting her before her actions cause too many problems.
More info: Reddit
Mom wants to prevent her daughter from being hurt by her future stepmom and isn't afraid to take illegal actions
Image credits: Kevan (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) has been married to his wife Claire for 2 years and he became her daughter’s stepfather, although she still spends time with her biological dad Adam as well because the two parents share custody.
Since Adam divorced from Claire, he had not dated and the woman was pretty content with it because she doesn’t want her daughter having a stepmother that would boss her around and possibly hurt the girl.
As the OP is 34 years old, we can assume that Claire and Adam are of a similar age, so it is natural for Adam to find someone new. He actually started seeing a woman about 8 months ago and they are planning to live together, which means Claire’s daughter will have a stepmom.
The story is told by this mom's current husband, who has been married to Claire for 2 years
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
Claire didn’t take it well. First of all, she thought it was too early to introduce the girlfriend and her daughter to each other. Second of all, she insisted on testing the woman to see if she would be a fitting stepmom to her daughter.
The OP wasn’t involved in it too much because he doesn’t get along with Adam and his MIL was as upset about the new girlfriend as his wife, so he left the family matters in the family’s hands.
However, he was quite disturbed to find out that when Adam and his girlfriend were out of the house, Claire went there and let herself in with the key she was given. She then proceeded to put up secret cameras through which she would observe the girlfriend’s behavior and assess if she is stepmother material.
Claire had a daughter with her previous husband and the narrator of the story is her stepfather, although the girl also spends time with her dad
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
The man expressed that setting up cameras without permission is illegal as it is a huge breach of privacy, but Claire didn’t care as in her mind, she was protecting her child and this extreme measure was only temporary until she knew that the woman was worthy of her trust.
What was even more worrisome was that it seemed the MIL was in it too and in the comments, the OP speculated that it might have actually been her idea. Also, he was told to stay out of it as it doesn’t concern him, which the OP was thinking of doing to avoid conflict with Claire, but his sense of justice didn’t allow him to stay silent.
What makes the man think that he might possibly have been a jerk in this situation is that he was told it was not his business and he was planning on going against his wife’s wishes. While that is true, he was also the only reasonable adult out of the three.
Recently the dad invited his girlfriend of 8 months to live with him, which meant that the girl will have a stepmom from now on
Image credits: OakleyOriginals (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
People who read the story repeated multiple times that Claire’s actions are illegal and the man should definitely tell Adam, especially if he suspects that his wife might put the blame on him. Readers started speculating that Claire may not be over her ex-husband and pointed out that OP should check if their own house has cameras.
The OP mentioned that the girl actually gets along with her dad’s girlfriend and there are no signs that would indicate that the woman is a bad person. One reader suggested that it might be useful for the mom to just ask her daughter what she thinks instead of becoming a criminal.
The girl is 6 years old, so she definitely could express what she thinks with words, but the stepdad doesn’t think it would work as the girl is pretty reserved and doesn’t speak up about her issues. Which made people think that Claire is not as good of a mother as she is trying to appear.
Claire was worried that the girlfriend might boss her daughter around or even abuse her, so she installed secret cameras in her ex-husband's home
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
It seems that Claire is a person who wants to be in control, and we can assume that she is a pretty controlling mother and the girl is already feeling the effects of that. Parenting For Brain says that children do need control and a moderate amount of regulating, “But when the control is at a high level, the negative impact on children’s development can be long-lasting, whether it’s behavioral or psychological.”
They explain that behavioral control “refers to supervising and managing children’s behavior. These overbearing parents discipline their kids’ behavior, monitor their whereabouts, and oversee their social life” while psychological control “refers to intruding into children’s emotional and psychological development. Controlling parents are non-responsive to their children’s emotional and psychological needs.”
Her current husband was disgusted that she would go to such measures and is planning on telling Claire's ex about it, but she tells him to stay out of it
Image credits: u/SmthSmth34
Experts believe that excessive behavioral control “undermines their children’s confidence in their abilities” and as a result “these children suffer from lower self-esteem. They are less self-regulated, higher in acting out, and lower in academic achievement.”
But psychological control may be even worse because it’s manipulative and children are obedient only because they are “driven by a desire to avoid feeling guilty or losing their parents’ love.” That leads children to be “more prone to suffer from low self-esteem and mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and antisocial behavior.”
Image credits: Blondinrikard Froberg (not the actual image)
While we can’t say for sure what kind of mother Claire is, there are some concerning signs that her current husband observed and what we can take from this short story. Do you see the red flags as well? Let us know your thoughts and reactions in the comments.
Readers agreed that what Claire did was illegal and her ex-husband has to know about this, regardless of possible ruin of relationships
