Anyone who says that parenthood is the greatest joy in the world is absolutely right. Anyone who says that parenthood is one of the most difficult tests that fall to the lot of a person is also absolutely right.
This is the kind of unity and struggle of opposites that philosophers spoke of in the old days, and it is up to you and me how to perceive everything. However, life often leaves people with little choice. As, for example, happened to the user u/One-Weakness6175, the author of the story we are about to tell you this time.
The author of the post and his wife have two little kids and one of them is on the autism spectrum
Image credits: Matthias Groeneveld (not the actual photo)
To take proper care of the children, the wife decided to stay at home while the man has a full-time job
Image credits: One-Weakness6175
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)
Image credits: One-Weakness6175
The spouses also have an unwritten agreement of having two 'days off' a year: on their birthdays and Mother's or Father's Days
Image credits: Cristian Dina (not the actual photo)
Image credits: One-Weakness6175
However, this Father's Day, the wife got invited to her ex-boss' dad's funeral, so she went there, leaving the husband with their kids at home
Image credits: Marc Mueller (not the actual photo)
Image credits: One-Weakness6175
The man was indignant over canceling all his plans and family drama arose here
So, the Original Poster (OP) and his wife have two children, six and four years old, and the eldest has autism spectrum disorder. In order to pay more attention to the kids, the author's wife decided to be a SAHM, while the man has a full-time job. Of course, parenting takes a lot of effort, time and energy from the spouses, so they desire some breaks from time to time.
And so it happened that twice a year each of the spouses takes a break from all family affairs and responsibilities, placing everything on the partner, and arranges a kind of "reboot" for themselves. According to the OP, these are usually their respective birthdays, as well as Father's and Mother's Day. No, of course, this does not mean, the man claims, that he locks his wife and children at home for the rest of the year - he also tries to help her as much as possible, but it is on these two days of the year that each of the couple, according to their unwritten 'agreement', has the freedom to do whatever they please.
For example, the husband recalls that on the past Mother's Day, he specially booked a spa for his wife, because he knew that she had wanted this for a long time, and when the woman returned home, a festive dinner and cards handmade by her kids were waiting for her. On Father's Day, the OP also had some plans, but reality made its own adjustments...
Shortly before the holiday, the wife received an invitation from her former boss to attend his dad's funeral, which was around 2 hours away. The woman said that she could not miss this funeral - she was on good terms with the ex-boss, although she did not know his father at all. As a result, the husband was forced to cancel all his plans and take care of the kids that day. Moreover, despite the fact that the woman planned to arrive home around 5 pm, it took her until 10 pm to get home. The children were already asleep, and, of course, the man did not receive any cards for the holiday.
The husband was extremely upset, and family drama unfolded over this. In response to his reproaches, the woman said that she had been locked in the house with the kids for almost a year, while her husband at least had the opportunity to go to work. The author objected that work is not a break, and that he tries to help her whenever possible in everything she does. As a result, the couple quarreled and have not spoken since.
Image credits: Min An (not the actual photo)
Let's make a disclaimer right away - the original poster dismissed in advance all the likely accusations of adultery on the part of the wife, although many commenters suspected this. The man said that, firstly, he trusts his wife, and secondly, he saw a lot of photos on Facebook from the funeral and the subsequent memorial dinner, which really dragged on a bit. And the problem here, as the OP is absolutely sure, lies precisely in what he outlined.
"Of course, I see a problem in the relationship of this couple, and in many ways they have become hostages of circumstances," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and a certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “By and large, no one is to blame for what happened - neither the spouses, nor even their children. But there is a problem, and in order to avoid the worst later, these people should discuss everything honestly, while trying not to switch to mutual accusations."
“Of course, both parents get tired and appreciate their 'days of rest', but what the woman has right here is that her husband has at least the opportunity, as they say, to 'change the scenery' - from home to work and back. An unenviable choice, of course, but she is also deprived of this. So, if I were the husband here, I would try not to be offended, and express more understanding in this situation."
“Better yet, try, probably, to set aside a few days for joint leisure. Perhaps involving someone from their close relatives or specialists to care for the kids at this time. Otherwise, the couple will soon find themselves under an avalanche of mental fatigue and even more serious problems for them are not far off," Irina warns.
We must say that many people in the comments - of those, of course, who did not devote their remark to accusing the woman of infidelity - also believe that the spouses are simply incredibly tired of their lifestyle. "Seems like you two overwound for just 2 days off a year... could you save up for a respite worker and have a weekend somewhere?" one of the commenters asks a pretty reasonable question. And what would you, our dear readers, advise this couple in their complicated situation?
Some commenters accused the wife of having an affair, and others just thought the spouses needed to have more 'days off', perhaps some common leisure time
