In the past, a less-than-happy marriage might simply end with a massive, blow-out fight or just a slow and steady death over a number of years. But these days, some couples try a more novel approach, by simply “opening” up the marriage.
A man asked the internet for advice after his wife wanted to close their marriage, despite it being her idea to open it. It would appear that she grew jealous of him developing a casual relationship with another person, even though she was perfectly successful at finding other people to date.
Open marriage don’t work for everyone, but they can be a last-ditch effort to save a relationship
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one man didn’t want to “close” his marriage, despite it being his wife’s idea to open it
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NoComfort4957
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Monogamy is not as dominant as one might initially think
While open marriages and relationships sound like something that have only really gained mainstream popularity in recent years, there is some evidence that they have been around for a couple of decades. One study conducted in 1983, over four decades ago, found that of 3,498 married couples, over 900 had an agreement to allow the man to have extramarital sex and over two hundred couples were in mutually open relationships.
However, this doesn’t actually mean that open relationships are more and more common in 2024. It’s a relationship style that has gotten a lot of attention recently, as polyamorous couples in particular feel more comfortable sharing their stories online. That being said, there does not seem to be evidence that more couples are interested in this type of relationship. Similar research done in 1997 suggests that open relationships might even be on the decline.
The truth is that some couples may try an open relationship and quickly learn why monogamy is still the most common variant out there. Researchers found that around 80% of couples that tried an open relationship ended up dealing with major jealousy issues. This didn’t necessarily end this “setup” but it’s worth noting that a successful open relationship might often take a lot more work than a closed one.
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Like in any relationship, trust and communication end up still being key
Ultimately, successful open relationships are the ones that are mutual. This seems like common sense, but as this story demonstrates, many people don’t look past whatever their initial gains may be and wind up regretting their decisions. In general, divorce rates in open relationships are slightly higher than among monogamous couples.
However, this is still hard to judge, as there are many marriages where both partners are unhappy and still remain together for one reason or another. After all, what is cheating to one person is just an open relationship to another. Similarly, this is still a contentious topic, so there is a decent chance that many survey respondents do not feel entirely comfortable discussing it with a researcher.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Open relationships tend to all be somewhat different, which makes them hard to judge
Similarly, there are so many forms of “open” relationships that it can be hard to classify them. While we tend to think of monogamous relationships as a sort of monolith, open relationships are better understood as a sort of “contract” between two parties. Each one will end up looking different as to what is allowed and not allowed.
For example, some couples forbid their partners from bringing other people to their residence. Some mandate the use of contraceptives. Some are one-sided while others basically live as roommates who are ostensibly also dating. Swingers, for example, are another form of “open relationships,” although people tend to classify them as something else.
There were many commenters suggesting that the husband get a divorce. After all, if he is happier now, why shouldn’t his wife face the consequences of her actions. However, given that open relationships are truly not easy, it’s perhaps worth extending some grace. There is a chance that honest and open communication would allow this couple to stay together, albeit with a less-than-traditional arrangement.
Many reader sided with the husband and some gave a few suggestions
