The biggest reason why people hide their feelings when they are unsure how the other person feels about them is the fear of being rejected. It hurts your feelings and brings down your self-esteem, leaving you thinking that maybe nobody actually likes you. However, most would advise you to tell the truth anyway and find out for sure.
However, there may be some situations when you would like to keep those feelings to yourself and work through them because they are not morally right. Like falling in love with a person who is already in a relationship. When this married man got confessed to by his wife’s sister about her feelings for him, he was appalled because not only did he not like her at all, but he also saw her grow up.
More info: Reddit
Man never liked his sister-in-law but tried to be nice to her but that backfired and created an awkward situation
Image credits: ECohen (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is 30 years old while his wife is 34 and her sister Alexa is 19. The OP’s mother-in-law had her younger daughter later in life and because there is a 15-year age difference between the sisters, the wife sees Alexa as not only her sibling but her kid as well.
That is because you could say that OP’s wife raised her as when Alexa was about 7 or 8, her parents sent her to the US to live with her older sister and get an education there. In the comments, the man explained, “She failed elementary school there. Couldn’t keep up with the pressure. My wife’s parents thought that she could come to America since school is easier here.”
The wife was very attentive to her little sister and gave her everything she needed, but the man never liked Alexa. He saw her as arrogant, rude, entitled and nasty, as a brat who was always breaking the rules and misbehaved at school.
The OP never liked her but because he loved his wife, he tried to get along with Alexa and be nice to her. Well, that backfired, because Alexa felt that the man treated her even better than her sister when she was growing up, which made her develop romantic feelings towards him.
The man's wife, who is 34 years old herself, has a 19-year-old sister that lived with her for the majority of her life
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Actually, he now thinks it’s pretty obvious that when Alexa was younger, she was acting out and giving her older sister a hard time because she was jealous, and this confession made everything make sense.
Alexa not only confessed her own feelings, but she wanted to know if OP felt the same way about her. This is when the man took the opportunity to reveal that not only did he not like her at least in a friendly way, but he actually hated her and considered her an annoying brat.
Even if he did like Alexa now or when she was growing up, the only relationship he would have allowed himself would have been a brotherly or fatherly one as he saw her grow up and felt that having romantic feelings for her would be “immoral and disgusting.”
Alexa was a spoilt brat and even her teachers didn't like her, but her older sister would still be very kind to her
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Such a rejection would hurt anyone’s feelings and Alexa ran out crying. OP’s wife thought that he was right for being honest, but he didn’t have to be so harsh with her. The man wonders if he didn’t have the right to tell Alexa how he saw her as now she is an adult and can take it.
People in the comments considered the fact that Alexa may have been acting out because she was jealous and seeing that she’s not a child anymore, believed that she knew what she was doing going to a married man, her sister’s husband, and telling him she loved him. So they agreed that the strong reaction was the most appropriate one as it didn’t leave any space for misinterpretations.
To make his wife happy, the man would also treat Alexa well but she truly irritated him
Image credits: Financial-Read378
The Guardian says that such a situation where a person interferes with a sibling’s romantic relationship is more common than you would think. Psychoanalytical couples psychotherapist Stella Vaines explains that this kind of dynamic can develop if the parents are not very present.
It can lead to huge arguments in the couple if the person is always on the sibling’s side and will accommodate them instead of standing up for their partner. It seems that in this case, the OP endured Alexa’s behavior and when he lashed out, his wife was pretty supportive of him.
His kindness didn't go unnoticed and Alexa felt that he treated her even better than her sister, so she confessed that she had romantic feelings for him
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Marriage certainly changes sibling relationships and Martha Stewart lists a few things that can become different. One outcome is that the sibling bond can become tighter if your spouse also gets along with your sibling. The opposite can be true as well because sometimes people’s personalities just don’t mesh.
The married sibling might get more closed off as they see their relationship as a private matter that concerns only two people. That may lead to the unmarried sibling being jealous and being afraid that their bond will break altogether.
Marrying someone can result in less quality time with your family as you just started a new one of your own, especially if you decided to move further away. But you may be expected to take up certain responsibilities like hosting family holidays at your home as you are the married and the mature sibling.
It struck a nerve and the man revealed that he never liked Alexa, making her run out crying
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
But at the end of the day, you would like your sibling to respect you and your partner no matter what you’re feeling towards that person, whether it’s hatred or even romantic love, assuming that you want the best for your family.
We would like to hear your thoughts and if you think that the OP should have been more composed when he rejected Alexa, or people in the comments are right and Alexa wouldn’t have understood if it was said in any other way. Let us know in the comments.
While his wife thought the way he rejected Alexa was harsh, people online believed that she needed to hear it so she wouldn't bring it up again
