Doing chores at home is a very contentious issue for many couples. Often, one partner finds themselves doing the lion’s share of the work and this can lead to frustration and resentment building up. Even when the housework is divided up more or less equally, it feels nice to be appreciated for the effort. Well, one woman tackled the topic in a very witty and fun way, and her video made a huge splash on the internet, getting 15.7 million views and counting.
Lindsay Donnelly, who runs a social media marketing agency, recently went viral on TikTok after sharing how she refused to clean the house after her husband’s wayward comment about how she does “nothing around the house.” According to Donnelly, however, her husband is “almost perfect” and they usually split the housework equally. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to Donnelly via email, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Lindsay Donnelly went viral with her witty clip about how she didn't do any chores after her husband said that she does "nothing around the house"
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Her video got over 15.7 million views and counting
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
Image credits: lindsaydonnelly2
You can watch the TikTok video, which started an important conversation online, right over here in full
Both partners work full-time and try to split the chores evenly
Image credits: Annushka Ahuja (not the actual photo)
Donnelly’s video was a major hit on TikTok and was soon picked up by a wide range of media outlets. The clip shows the woman refusing to do anything around the house for a couple of days after her husband, Brian, who works in venture capital, had made an off-hand comment to her.
“The night he made the comment, I was getting the kids ready for bed, and he was cleaning up in the kitchen. I noticed he was kind of grumpy and I was like, ‘What’s going on?’ And that’s when he made the comment about me doing nothing around the house,” Donnelly, from Connecticut, told Today.
"I didn't want to yell and scream and fight about it. I wanted to prove a point in a funny way,” she said that she went on strike. “Somebody commented on my video that this is how you make invisible labor visible. And I thought it was brilliant. I’m constantly tidying—I’m picking up shoes, I’m doing all these things that go unnoticed but add up to a lot.”
The topic of how to split up housework is a very serious and practical one, but not all internet users were able to get the humor and nuance in Donnelly’s video, however. The woman filmed a few follow-up videos commenting on all the attention her clip got. In one of them, she noted how some commenters told her to break up with her husband. In another TikTok, she hinted that the media might be slightly over-dramatizing the situation in the headlines.
According to the TikToker, her husband is great and does most of the cooking at home. They both work full-time jobs and try to split the chores evenly. Donnelly’s husband, Brian, told Today that they have a “super strong relationship” and that’s why he can “get away with saying some things every once in a while.” He added: “I was feeling frustrated and I directed that at her.” He later apologized to his wife and cleaned the entire house and their car before Donnelly came back from her girls’ weekend.
This sort of open and honest communication and fair division of chores is very enviable. The fact is that you won’t see anything close to that in many long-term relationships. It’s very often women who end up doing most of the housework and childcare, even if both partners work full-time jobs. And the stats back that up.
Research shows that women end up doing more housework even in egalitarian marriages
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
CNN reports on some of the newest findings from the Pew Research Center about how even when both partners are earning the same amount, there’s still a large divide between housework and childcare.
“Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the researchers found.
According to the study, men spent more time caregiving only when their wives were the sole breadwinners. And even in those cases, both partners spend the same amount of time on housework. So it’s absolutely essential to have those uncomfortable but honest conversations about dividing up the chores fairly.
One way to approach this is to make a list of all the chores that each partner loathes and the ones that they don’t mind doing. That will help the couple divide at least some of the housework. Meanwhile, if both of them detest doing a particular chore, they can take turns. What the end result will look like will wholly depend on the family and the situation at home.
But no matter what, having those conversations is essential—nobody’s a mind-reader and talking it out, actively listening to your partner, and looking for specific solutions the issue will help avoid long-term resentment from building up.
Here's how some TikTok users reacted to the video. Many of them applauded the wife and roasted her husband
Meanwhile, here's what some other internet users thought
