Creating a family comes with many great things. However, when you choose this path, it is essential to understand that it comes at the price of a good deal of your freedom, especially when making life-changing decisions.
As one Redditor recently shared, not everyone seems to understand this as well as others. For example, one morning, his wife suddenly approached him and told him that she had applied and been accepted to become a surrogate mother for another family, all without considering him, her health, their children, or how it would impact their lives. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Carrying a child for people who can't have children of their own is a noble thing, but not if it comes at the cost of your own family
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
A married couple was trying for a third child when the woman suddenly applied and was approved to become a surrogate mother
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
When the woman told her husband about it, he was shocked and tried explaining to her that this would take a massive toll on her, him, and their family
Image credits: u/stinkypinky88
The woman wouldn't get into any discussion about it, only saying that it was a selfless act to help another family, leaving her husband in disbelief
The OP and his wife were together for seven years and married for two. In that time, they had a couple of kids and were trying for another one.
Everything seemed to be going great until one morning when, as if out of nowhere, the woman came over to her husband and told him that she had applied and been approved to become a surrogate mother for another family.
The OP was left in disbelief. He was shocked that she would do something like that without any discussion or consideration regarding him, their children, or her own mental and physical health, which the pregnancy would definitely impact.
He tried talking to her, but she refused to see things from his perspective, saying that it was a selfless act that would help another family who couldn't have children. The guy was left lost, explaining that he doesn't have the desire or capacity to drop everything just to take care of her while she's carrying someone else's child.
The commenters agreed that the OP was not a jerk, but most of them were just as confused as he was. Trying to make sense of such a rash decision, some kept asking questions, like whether his wife actually enjoys being pregnant, while others talked about how unlikely it is that she would actually get approved without her husband's consent since she's married and theorized whether the whole surrogate mother deal could just be a cover-up for an affair.
Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)
Surrogacy, which is a process in which a woman volunteers to go through a pregnancy for another person or a couple, has been around for a while. In fact, according to an article on Creative Family Connections, the first woman to ever become a surrogate mother did so in 1985.
However, it wasn't until the Covid pandemic flipped our lives over that the number of applicants really started to rise. As Maya Oppenheim of the Independent wrote, in the UK alone, the figures were quite steady before 2020, averaging around 65 women a year who wanted to become a surrogate mother. Yet, in the years after, the amount rose quite a bit, with the peak recorded in 2021 when 626 applications were filed.
Of course, the sudden increase might've been written off to people having more free time during the lockdown, deciding to pursue what they've been contemplating and putting off for a long time. But at the same time, the number of people requiring a surrogate mother didn't change all that much, which makes us question why these women want to go through this process so badly.
Image credits: Amr Taha (not the actual photo)
According to an article on Pinnacle Surrogacy, there are quite a few positive things that come from becoming a surrogate mother. While a lot of women do it for generous financial compensation, some simply enjoy being pregnant but usually already have some children of their own and only want to re-experience the process.
Surrogacy also comes with specific support networks that help these women every step of the way and possibly build connections that can last even after the child is born. And, of course, doing something like this is very likely to bring an unmatched sense of accomplishment, as they're bringing an actual human into life, and something like that can hardly be compared with anything else.
Of course, every pro has its con. Any kind of pregnancy can be a physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging task that requires a lot of commitment for a significant amount of time and a lengthy recovery afterward. It also comes with additional health risks that every pregnancy brings, and just because the surrogate's previous experiences went by without a hitch, there's no guarantee that the trend will continue.
Lastly, while this doesn't often happen due to precautions in the screening part of the process, it is possible for the surrogate mother to develop an attachment to the child she's been carrying for 9 whole months, and the separation may not be easy.
But, in the end, surrogacy is a big thing that shouldn't be taken lightly. While primarily, it is still up to a woman who should be carrying the child, unless she lives alone and is ready to take on something like that by herself, it most likely will affect everyone involved. Thus, springing such a decision on your family without involving them in the making of it, as the OP's wife did, is, at the very least, inconsiderate.
What did you think about this story? Do you agree with the OP's concerns? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
The commenters were just as confused as the OP, but the majority agreed that becoming a surrogate is not the kind of decision you make separately from your family
