No two families are the same, which is why the relationships between its members and the level of affection, among other things, can differ drastically from one household to another.
This became clear to the redditor u/Quick-Impress-146, who, unlike his wife, was raised in a family that’s very physically affectionate. The differences in the spouses’ upbringing meant having to adjust, which was seemingly difficult for the wife to do. It went so far, the husband had to ask the AITA community if he’s a jerk for hugging his brother in front of his wife.
Bored Panda turned to the Chair and Associate Professor of Sociology at Salem State University, Sara Moore to discuss the importance of physical affection. She was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. Scroll down to find her insight in the text below.
What seems to be excessive levels of affection to some can be completely normal to others
Image credits: Zinkevych_D (not the actual photo)
This person was used to physical affection in the family, but his wife wasn’t, which is why it freaked her out
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Quick-Impress-146
Touch can have a positive effect on people’s well-being
The level of acceptable physical affection is a highly subjective matter. That’s why it’s not surprising the OP’s wife found it weird how much his family expressed it, considering the situation in her household was noticeably different.
“A person's upbringing and family socialization can have a profound effect on a person's preferences when it comes to physical affection,” Chair and Associate Professor of Sociology at Salem State University, Sara Moore, told Bored Panda.
“For example, people raised in a more affectionate household where kids are encouraged to ‘hug it out’ when dealing with conflict or stress may be more accustomed to physical touch. At the same time, they may come to feel uncomfortable with forced physical affection and not want to reproduce that dynamic in their adult relationships. That said, many studies show that partners who touch each other regularly, both sexually and non-sexually, tend to be happier with their relationships.”
The Family Institute emphasized that touch between loved ones transmits a sense of being accepted and cared for. Something as simple as a hand on one’s shoulder, holding hands while walking down the street, or embracing your partner can positively affect both sides.
It also pointed out that in addition to increased emotional well-being, touch can have physiological benefits as well. Studies show that it is linked to decreased levels of cortisol (also known as the stress hormone), increased levels of oxytocin (one of the feel-good hormones), and can even minimize such problems as muscle aches, headaches, insomnia, and skin irritation, among other things.
Image credits: Stanley Morales (not the actual photo)
Physical affection is especially important to children
In an article for Greater Good Magazine, the director of the Touch Research Institute in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Miami School of Medicine, Dr. Tiffany Field shared her insight on the power of touch. She revealed that a massage, for example, can increase vagal activity that correlates with the well-being of our heart, lungs, and digestion, while a hug can strengthen our immune system and help people perform better under stress.
Assoc. Prof. Sara Moore believes that physical affection is an important part of family life for most people. “Studies have shown, for example, that when parents express affection toward their children, their children tend to have higher self-esteem, better communication with their parents, and fewer emotional issues compared to children whose parents are less affectionate,” she said.
Child and family therapist Clair Mellenthin also emphasized the importance of parents showing physical affection to their children. She pointed out that it can increase their brain development, help create healthy emotional bonds, and make the little ones feel less anxious. However, the expert noted that it’s crucial to pay attention to the children’s cues and show affection in a way that’s comfortable for them.
Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)
It’s important to communicate your needs and be respectful of the ones of your partner
“Communication is a key element of any relationship, so it's important that partners communicate both their needs and their capacities,” the expert told Bored Panda. “Partners need to be clear about their need for physical affection, but also be open to understanding that their partner may not feel the same way.
“For example, if one partner craves affection when dealing with stress or anxiety, they should be able to express that need clearly, and their partner should try to meet them halfway even if they're not as eager to engage in affectionate behavior. Similarly, if someone doesn't want to be touched in moments of stress or heightened emotion, they should be able to voice that preference and their partner should respect it.”
The OP knew his wife wasn’t as comfortable with physical affection in the family as he was, which is why he made sure the members knew her boundaries. However, she felt uneasy about him showing affection to them as well, which made him wonder if he was being a jerk for hugging his brother. People in the comments unanimously agreed that he wasn’t.
The author of the post provided more information in the comments section
The internet unanimously decided the OP wasn’t a jerk
