We’ve all probably seen those stereotypical movies where husbands cheat on their wives with the maid. Well, this isn’t that kind of story. In this story, the maid is a nice and kind lady who happens to be an unknowing participant in a family crisis.
A confused husband asked the internet’s opinion on the AITA subreddit. He was in quite a pickle: one day, out of nowhere, his wife demanded that he fire their housemaid. The husband refused and wanted Reddit to weigh in on whether or not he was the AH. What came next was a surprising plot twist that was heartbreaking for the husband.
We reached out to Kelly Armatage, therapist and TEDx speaker, to comment on this situation. You can read her insights below.
A person, hired to maintain a clean home, can be of great help. On the other hand, there’s now always another pair of eyes in the house that may witness some private family business
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
One man was surprised by his wife’s request to fire their maid of 15 years without a solid reason
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: Conflicted1one1
With the maid involved, there’s now a third party making the already messy ordeal more complicated
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Finding out your partner might be cheating on you is terrible in and of itself. When it’s another person telling you this, that adds an extra layer of hurt and betrayal. “It has become a complicated situation now because the maid has witnessed the interactions with the wife and another man,” Kelly Armatage tells Bored Panda. “The wife possibly feels guilt around her actions and fears that these actions may lead to her husband finding out.”
She says that by being the witness, the third party – the maid – becomes a threat to the wife being exposed. “From this place of fear and guilt, the wife’s conscience feels better by getting rid of any possible evidence of what has happened, i.e. in this case ‘the maid’,” the therapist explains.
There is a way for couples to stay together after a partner cheats, but it will require a lot of hard work
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
4 years have passed since the OP posted his situation on r/AITA, but he didn’t give any updates on what happened between him and his wife. We asked Kelly Armatage what are some ways to move forward in a case such as this.
“Individual and couples therapy is an option,” she says, “in order to rebuild trust and keep the family unit in place. However, as per the saying ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater,’ this therapy must be undertaken with a strong commitment (by the cheating party) to work on and heal the behavioral reasons as to why the cheating occurred.”
If a couple decides to try and stay together after such a crisis, the relationship will require a huge amount of work. “It is about addressing these issues at the root level, with a firm intention to create a marriage that is better than ever,” Armatage tells us. “If this unwavering commitment is not there, therapy may just be a ‘band-aid’ on an already crumbling marriage foundation.
Psychologists distinguish 3 main reasons why people may cheat on their partner
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Unfaithfulness is one of the most common causes of why couples and marriages break up. Kelly Armatage gives us 3 possible causes a partner might cheat on their significant other.
First, it’s possible the person was conditioned to think that cheating is okay. “It’s unclear whether there’s a so-called cheating gene, but some research suggests having a parent who had an affair leaves you at a greater risk of cheating on your spouse too.”
First, it’s possible the person was conditioned to think that cheating is okay. “It’s unclear whether there’s a so-called cheating gene, but some research suggests having a parent who had an affair leaves you at a greater risk of cheating on your spouse too.”
Therefore, the family model that people grow up with has a huge influence. “A small study published in an edition of the Journal of Family Issues, for example, found that people who had at least one parent cheat on the other were twice as likely to commit infidelity compared to people whose parents remained faithful throughout their marriage,” Armatage explains.
Another reason can be the individual’s low self-esteem. “This trait is a known risk factor for cheating,” the psychologist says, “and often for these people, cheating can be a coping mechanism and an attempted means to feel validated, desired, and needed.”
The third reason might be that the cheating party feels that their sexual needs are not satisfied in the marriage. “After being in a long-term relationship, it isn’t uncommon to feel your sexual desire for your partner fade.”
“For some people, the same goes for emotional connection,” Kelly tells Bored Panda. “Unsurprisingly, dissatisfaction in the bedroom or a waning desire to be sexually intimate with your partner may be a risk factor for cheating.”
Armatage says that these three reasons can be applied to both men and women. The stereotypical opinion that “all men cheat” or that there’s a bigger chance that a man will cheat is only a “societal belief”. However, it can also become a factor. “It may influence men to possibly cheat more, due to these ‘societal programs’,” Armatage admits.
Almost all commenters were immediately suspicious of the wife, urging the husband to get the truth out of the maid
