It can sometimes be difficult to navigate work relationships, friendships, and boundaries with grace. While you definitely want to be friendly and get along with your colleagues, you also don’t want to give the impression that you’re interested in them romantically, when you’ve already got a partner. Things can get confusing and emotionally messy if you don’t maintain that distance and end up with a 'work spouse.'
Case in point, redditor u/Hot_Satisfaction_559, a concerned husband, went viral on the ‘Am I Overreacting’ subreddit. The man asked the members of the community for relationship advice after sharing how his wife wanted to bring along her ‘work husband’ on their family vacation. Now, he’s wondering whether he overreacted by refusing to go along with her wishes.
Scroll down for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Sometimes, the line between friendship with a colleague and having an emotional affair can get blurry. The fallout can be very messy
Image credit: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
A concerned husband asked the net for help after refusing to allow his wife to bring her 'work husband' on vacation with them
Image credit: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credit: Hot_Satisfaction_559
Work friendships can be great, but you need to have healthy boundaries and be transparent about them with your partner
There is a world of difference between being good friends with someone and spending so much time interacting with them that you start making your significant other jealous, anxious, and scared.
To put it bluntly, you shouldn’t behave in a way that makes your partner paranoid that you’re cheating on them, whether physically or emotionally. Not only is it unfair to them, but it’s also unfair to your kids (if you have any) and to your colleagues with whom you may or may not be flirting.
If you’re constantly texting and video-calling your coworker while you’re with your partner and kids, it’s a red flag. Even if you think you’re just being friendly, this sort of behavior is sending the wrong signals. Namely, that you think your friendship is more important than your family. Even if you’re not flirting or having an affair, it may be best to cut back on this sort of behavior.
Having a work spouse is in a bit of a morally and emotionally grey area. On the one hand, you’re developing a relationship of trust and support where another person fully has your back and you’ve got theirs. On the other hand, the relationship might not be as platonic as it initially looks.
Verywell Mind suggests that because of how emotionally close these relationships can get, it’s vital to create firm boundaries and have transparency about everything with both of your respective partners.
“If you have a romantic partner, tell them about your work spouse and introduce your work spouse to your romantic partner. Tell your romantic partner parts of the conversations you’re having with your work spouse to include them in the relationships. This reduces the likelihood of jealousy and secrecy,” suggests Michele Goldman, PsyD, a psychologist and an advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation.
Image credit: Brooke Cagle (not the actual photo)
You should have very clear limits for how much time you spend communicating with your work friends after office hours
Meanwhile, you shouldn’t be gossiping and sharing everything with your work spouse. For example, you shouldn’t vent about your romantic relationship or share intimate details about your partner.
Furthermore, you’ve got to enforce boundaries not just in terms of the topics you (don’t) talk about, but also when it comes to how much time you spend together outside of work.
Couples therapy expert Rebecca Williams, LMFT, from Inland Empire Couples Counseling, notes that having supportive, friendly colleagues at work can be a boon. However, things can get problematic if there’s emotional intimacy that then undermines the person’s romantic relationship.
“It’s crucial for each person to honestly evaluate whether a ‘friendship’ is enhancing or undermining their commitment to their partner,” Williams says.
“If you fear your partner’s work bestie is interfering in your relationship, you need to talk to your partner about it. Rather than issuing ultimatums, approach the discussion with vulnerability and use ‘I statements’ to express feelings. For example: ‘I feel hurt when I see you turning to your coworker for emotional support instead of me.’”
What’s more, you should strive to protect your relationship with your partner by limiting communication with your work spouse outside of work hours. And, of course, remember to spend quality time with your significant other.
Image credit: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Emotional affairs can be devastating, and they're usually signified by significant changes in your significant other's behavior
Not all affairs are physical. That being said, emotional affairs can be just as devastating as physical ones. According to Verywell Mind, the main signs that your partner may be having an emotional affair with someone include the following signs:
- They spend a lot of time either at work or elsewhere, doing things without you;
- They hide their phone and act secretive about their online communications;
- They often talk about their close friend;
- They compare you to their friend, with whom they seem to have a special connection with, criticizing you;
- They seem to be drawing away from you.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? How would you react if you were in the post author’s shoes and your significant other pushed you to invite their work spouse on your summer vacation? Where do you personally think the line lies when it comes to work friendships? Has anyone you know ever had a work spouse? How did things turn out for them? Let us know in the comments below. We’d love to hear your perspective.
Image credit: Max Medyk (not the actual photo)
As the man's post started going viral, he shared more details in the comments of his post
Most readers thought that the husband was well within his rights to react the way that he did. Here's what they told him
