It's not unusual for people to stay friends with their ex. But for many in a committed relationship, seeing a partner with their former lover might stir up some uncomfortable feelings.
Even if they say there’s nothing romantic happening, it can lead to some awkward moments.
When this woman’s husband told her he wanted to meet his high school crush — someone he hadn’t been in contact with in 15 years — she couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy.
And when she tried to talk to him about it, he got really defensive and started blaming her instead.
A married man reconnected with an old high school crush after 15 years
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
After texting his crush, he told his wife he was going to meet her
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
The man's wife felt a bit uneasy, imagining all that could go wrong
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: faststocklv (not the actual image)
Image credits: Deer-Diary
Image credits: Deer-Diary
Opinions are deeply divided when it comes to whether staying in touch with an ex is acceptable
Our Redditor’s anxiety isn’t unfounded. There are several reasons why people stay in touch with their former lovers or crushes.
Many people see their ex as a reliable person who has sentimental value.
Studies show there are a few people who also stay in touch just because they still have feelings for their former partners or crushes.
But some people believe staying friends with an ex works when things have genuinely changed. The attraction is gone and the breakup doesn’t hurt anymore.
Some situations also make it challenging to not be friends with an ex — in a study, participants reported that they stayed friends because they shared children or pets, debt or property, or worked together.
In a survey done in the US, more than half of participants said they have at least some ongoing contact with someone they once dated.
About 17% said they are friends with all of their exes, and 37% are friends with one but not all of their previous partners. But 44%, of them said they aren't friends with any of their exes.
And when it comes to how comfortable people are if their current partner stays in touch with their ex, 41% of Americans said they are okay with it. But at least 40% said they are not.
“What if” factor motivates people to see if the spark is still there
While staying in touch with someone you had a history with can be reasoned out, reconnecting with an old unrequited love is another story.
Sometimes, people are just looking for validation and for them, an old flame can start to feel like the ultimate “what if?”
Research says that people who feel unfulfilled in their current relationship are more likely to feel nostalgic about the one that got away.
One‑sided attraction can also lead to fantasy and lingering emotional feelings that don’t go away easily.
“We have a tendency to remember unfinished experiences more vividly than completed ones. If a relationship ended suddenly or never had proper closure, our brains latch onto it, replaying moments. The more unresolved the connection, the harder it is to let go,” writes Alicia M. Walker, an associate professor of Sociology at Missouri State University.
She says to truly let go of someone, challenge the fantasy and write down the real reasons why it didn’t work out in the first place.
“Focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s behind you. Nostalgia thrives when we’re dissatisfied with the present, so work on creating meaningful moments now,” she adds.
The idea of blowing everything up for an old flame usually isn’t as romantic once you think past the daydream.
Many readers chimed in with advice, and some were outraged at the husband's behavior
Many readers expressed empathy and support for the woman
