30 People Share How They Realized Their Partner Is 'The One' And How They Got Rid Of Second Thoughts

Abigail Brenner, M.D., a board-certified psychiatrist in practice for more than 30 years, says people should identify the essential qualities of a good relationship even before deciding whether their partner is the one. "Trust is an absolute," Brenner writes. "We learn trust from our past relationships. If we're lucky, these have been largely positive and we feel safe with those we rely on. Trust implies reliability, stability, and consistency. Being trustworthy implies openness and a willingness to be forthcoming. Things are as they are and there is no hidden agenda or deception."

The next quality the psychiatrist highlights is commitment—a promise to another to fully and intimately share ourselves and our life. To put it simply, it is a promise to commit our full attention, time, and energy, and should be reserved for only those who have proven that they are capable of sticking around for the long haul and are ready, willing, and able to share themselves with us as well.

Next, there's respect. "Although respect is about looking back at, reflecting what has happened, its meaning is somewhat different for an intimate relationship," Brenner says. "It's about the mutual mirroring of emotions, feelings, and beliefs. Respect says, 'What I see in you I hold as important as what I see in myself.'"

A good relationship also needs communication. When we can freely transmit our emotions, feelings, and beliefs, we feel safe to fully express ourselves. We know there's virtually no judgment, criticism, withholding, and anger.

This means we can be who we are. "I'm sure you're all familiar with relationships where one partner dominates, seems to need more attention, and will manipulate to get what they need. When you're with the right one, you're comfortable to be yourself. You're equal partners. While always trying to be respectful, you don’t have to walk on eggshells, to worry about your actions, or watch your words for fear that it will offend your partner," Brenner explains. "While you and your partner may not always agree, you’re not concerned about being judged, criticized, or shamed. You can disagree and argue respectfully but you both ultimately decide to work on conflicts to arrive at a constructive solution."

Sharing the same or similar values is also a plus. If you both value similar principles and ideas about life and are on the same page about what you want to accomplish during your life together, you can spend time exploring what you both enjoy. If that is the case, chances are you share similar goals and a vision for the future, too.

However, Brenner points out that just like everything, relationships change. "The right one understands this and is willing to put in the work to keep the relationship satisfying. This is really the only way to handle life's challenges together. At the same time, while you're taking care of real business, it's important to laugh together, even when things are very rough," she says. So when two people know they are the one to each other, the next step is to prove it every day. Or, at the very least, try to.