Work and romance rarely mix well. That’s why many employers have strict rules about dating colleagues or clients. One English teacher at a private company in Japan recently learned that her manager was hiding his wife and child from female students for this exact reason.
During a seemingly innocent classroom conversation, she exposed his double life, and since it made the man absolutely furious, the woman turned to the subreddit r/AITAH, asking its members if she had done anything wrong. Here’s what she wrote.
Part of what allows teachers and students to get along is keeping things professional
Image credits: Thirdman (Not the actual photo)
But this woman learned that her manager was getting too friendly with his students
Image credits: Raychan (Not the actual photo)
Why do people in committed relationships cheat?
The possible negative consequences from such “adventures” can be devastating. So why bother in the first place? There’s a survey that can help us gain some insight. When researchers asked 495 cheaters why they did it, their replies revealed eight key motivations:
- anger;
- self-esteem;
- lack of love;
- low commitment;
- need for variety;
- neglect;
- physical urge;
- and situation or circumstance.
These factors not only influenced why people cheated but also how long they did so, their enjoyment, their emotional investment in the affair, and whether their primary relationship ended as a result.
Also, only a third of participants ultimately admitted the cheating to their primary partner themselves. Those who came clean were more likely to have cheated out of anger or neglect rather than physical desire or the need for variety. This suggests that their confession was possibly a form of retribution, rather than a way to clear their conscience. The participants who confessed were also more likely to form a committed relationship with the affair partner.
While infidelity is typically a clandestine “enterprise,” some cheaters were less careful than others, perhaps intentionally. Those who cheated because of a lack of love went on more public dates and displayed more public affection toward their partner.
Image credits:Hrant Khachatryan (Not the actual photo)
Nonetheless, people were appalled by the man’s behavior
It’s hard to imagine what he was thinking
Many companies prohibit employees from dating coworkers, vendors, customers, or suppliers, or require specific disclosures, so before making a move on someone at work, it’s important to first check what your company even allows.
“Follow the rules and try to understand the reasons they’re in place,” says Amy Nicole Baker, professor of psychology at the University of New Haven and author of several papers on workplace romance. “You ignore them at your peril.”
If someone has already violated a policy, she suggests they “come clean early” because “the longer you persist, the worse the consequences will be.”
So even if we disregard the moral aspect of his infidelity, it’s still surprising that the manager thought he could juggle multiple affairs without anyone figuring out what was happening.
After all, reputational risks in a position like his are huge.
Baker claims research has already proven that your coworkers’ reactions will reflect what they believe your intentions are. When they think you’re driven by an “ego motive” — seeking out the relationship to serve your own needs, whether it’s to get ahead in your company or for your own excitement — they will clearly see you less favorably. And in this case, it’s pretty much impossible to think of another reason.
Later, the woman got screenshots that proved her suspicions
A colleague also told her it wasn’t a one-off situation
This gave the woman enough courage to meet with the school’s owner
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (Not the actual photo)
Dave was eventually forced to quit
Image credits: CreditElectronic6730
And people were happy he was gone
