A litmus test to find out whether or not your partner will be a good spouse is seeing how much of the domestic labor they take on when you live together. If they're not willing to help out at all, save yourself the heartache and stop wasting your time.
Unfortunately, many people stay in relationships longer than they should out of love or hope that their partner will change. But when this woman's ex-husband showed his true colors, she decided she had no desire to fight for the relationship. Below, you'll find the full story that she shared on Reddit detailing how her ex missed out on a fabulous life, as well as a conversation between the author and Bored Panda.
Problems are inevitable when a couple can't find a fair way to balance responsibilities at home
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (Not the actual photo)
This woman, who was the breadwinner and in charge of most of her household's domestic labor, revealed how her former marriage finally fell apart
Her partner refused to help her pack her things when they were moving homes
Image credits: Ron Lach (Not the actual photo)
The author broke down when she realized that she was getting no assistance from her husband
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (Not the actual photo)
Eventually, she told him how she really felt and listed all of the things that he did wrong in the relationship
Image credits: cottonbro studio (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: MisdiagnosedGlee
"Their behavior is their choice, their decisions are their responsibility, and none of that is your fault. Don't stay with a person out of obligation, just end it and be done"
According to the author of the story, the reason behind her ex's unwillingness to help her with the move was that he "wasn't getting anything" from her, "specifically passionate stuff." "He really believed that he should be rewarded with passionate stuff and praise every time he did anything to 'help me' with responsibilities around the house," u/MisdiagnosedGlee told Bored Panda.
She explained that it's important not to make excuses for other people's behavior, ever. "Their behavior is their choice, their decisions are their responsibility, and none of that is your fault. Don't stay with a person out of obligation, just end it and be done," the author added that life will fall into place on its own.
“They’re going to believe whatever lie they tell themselves to feel better and blame you, regardless of how much logic you offer them, so just get out of that toxic relationship and save yourself the heartache of supporting someone who doesn’t have any interest in supporting you.”
We asked the author what people can do to encourage their partners to take on their fair share of responsibilities at home. From her perspective, it's essential to have an honest conversation about feelings.
"My current husband and I work together and share responsibilities," the author said. She opened up to Bored Panda that she is asthmatic, so her husband handles some of the heavier responsibilities like yard work. What's more, he is also very handy, so fixing broken things is mainly his job.
"I handle a lot of the emotional stuff for the household, like helping my stepdaughter through rough times and caring for the animals. We have 2 dogs and 4 cats, along with our many exotic pets," u/MisdiagnosedGlee shared.
“We share general chores, and I organize everything with a chore list that anyone in the house can choose from. I write the list on a dry-erase board, and it gets erased as chores are done, and we reward ourselves for each chore that is done. It’s a great system.”
The author also shared some practical advice for workers who work long hours and deal with burnout. "Set personal boundaries, set boundaries with your employer, and absolutely make sure that you set aside time for self-care, especially hygiene and socialization," she said.
"The money was incredible, but I was essentially working two jobs. It was amazing that I had the money to buy a house, but I would never do it again. I don't mind working some overtime when needed, but I value my time with my family a lot now that I'm settled in."
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (Not the actual photo)
Couples need to find a system that works for them, so they don't feel like they're overwhelmed with housework
From our perspective, the author of the post had the patience of a saint. Not only was she working herself to the bone, but she also took on the majority of the housework.
She also gave her ex-husband plenty of opportunities to pull himself together and start pitching in more. She repeatedly communicated her needs and concerns very clearly. Alas! Her partner had different priorities and made promises that he couldn’t keep. And he still had the gall to call out u/MisdiagnosedGlee for supposedly not doing enough for him despite being a kept man.
“I tell you, this ding dong is the absolute most obtuse, smooth-brained, intellectually deficient, situationally unaware, half-witted, opossum-brained clod to say that,” the author wrote, adding that she ended up sharing her unfiltered thoughts with the man and then kicked him out of her new home.
To be as straightforward as possible, even though a perfect 50/50 chore split is almost impossible, both partners need to find a system that works for them and their situation. In short, both sides need to put in the effort to share the workload, both in terms of chores and finances. But a lot will depend on each person’s character, as well as the family dynamics.
Someone who’s the primary breadwinner and works full-time might end up doing slightly less of the housework. Meanwhile, their partner might do more chores if they’re a stay-at-home parent, they work part-time, they have a fully remote job, or they’re blessed with flexible hours.
The important thing is that both sides are happy with the arrangement. If they’re not appreciated enough, though, they’ll likely end up feeling extremely frustrated for doing a necessary but thankless job, whether at the office or at home.
Image credits: Pablo Heimplatz (Not the actual photo)
Long-term relationships work well if both partners feel like they're respected and supported
On top of that, just because someone works full-time doesn’t make them exempt from doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or picking up after themselves. Sure, they can ask their partner, who might be delighted to assist them, for help.
As a general rule, adults shouldn’t dodge their responsibilities. They need to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Being overly lazy or acting entitled is going to harm your relationship in the long run.
There’s nothing wrong with relaxing with a good video game, reading a book, taking a nice long bath, meeting up with friends, eating some junk food, or getting cozy for a well-deserved nap after a long day. But problems pop up if that’s all you ever do.
The odds are that your partner also wants to enjoy their free time. They shouldn’t be forced to pick up after you while you’re having the time of your life. Couples need to behave like a real team. That requires having each other’s backs. Not just when things get dramatically tough but also during the monotonous daily grind.
However, if, despite both partners’ best efforts, chores continue to be a topic for constant arguments, they could always hire a house cleaner if their finances permit it. But even in these circumstances, one person shouldn’t behave like a teenager on summer break all the time. There’s a lot of purpose in life to be found beyond indulging in entertainment 24/7, whether that’s a purposeful career, creative work, or philanthropy.
Image credits: Christian Erfurt (Not the actual photo)
Someone who's working overtime and exhausted expects their partner to do at least some of the housework
Something that u/MisdiagnosedGlee mentioned was that she worked 80 to 100 hours per week. No matter how tough and disciplined someone is, at some point, they’ll become overwhelmed and exhausted. All of us need time to rest and recharge if we want to do a quality job.
The reality is that the author of the post isn’t the only one in this sort of situation. Chronic exhaustion is a massive issue in the workforce.
Statista reports that in 2023, 22% of employees in the United States rated their current level of burnout as high or very high. Furthermore, 35% reported their burnout being at a moderate level.
However, a marketplace survey conducted by Deloitte puts these numbers even higher. According to the findings, 77% of respondents reported having experienced burnout at their current job. Over half revealed that it has happened more than once.
The author of the viral story later added more context in the comments of her post
Many readers shared their thoughts about the epic tale of petty revenge
Some readers even opened up about similar situations of their own
