Certain moments of unimaginable grief are supposed to cut through all the noise. They are the moments when family is meant to be a fortress, a solid wall of unconditional love and support that stands between you and the abyss.
But some walls crumble. People who are supposed to be your rock can become a source of even more pain, a black hole of self-pity that threatens to swallow your own grief whole. For one woman, in the darkest hour of her life, her dad became a secondary tragedy amongst the noise.
More info: Reddit
The presence of family during a tragedy is supposed to be a comfort, but sometimes, it's a second disaster
Image credits: George Dagerotip / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman decided to put aside her differences with her father and invited him to the hospital to say goodbye to her stillborn son
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Before he even arrived, he was demanding a 'better timeframe' for the birth to accommodate his work schedule
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
At the hospital, he sat in a corner 'like a zombie,' offering zero comfort to his grieving daughter
Image credits: asier_relampagoestudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Then came the jaw-dropping reveal that he was upset because his girlfriend had just dumped him
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The grieving mother, having reached her limit, kicked him out and told him to never contact her again
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The next day, he was already on a dating site and complaining to his mother that his daughter wasn't comforting him
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She blocked him on everything, finally cutting off the man who made her darkest day all about himself
One woman had a very strained relationship with her father, but decided to invite him to the hospital to say goodbye to her son, who she knew would be a stillbirth. At this time of inconceivable grief, she needed her dad. She needed him for emotional support, but also to help care for her three-year-old son while she was in the hospital. This was a lifeline.
The day before he was asked to visit the hospital, the first of many bizarre and selfish red flags appeared. The entitled father called to demand a "better timeframe" for when she would give birth so he could let his work know. When she, a woman about to be induced for a stillbirth, couldn't provide a precise schedule for her own body, he became pushy and insistent, forcing her husband to intervene.
When he finally arrived at the hospital, he was a "zombie," completely detached from the tragedy unfolding around him. He never once consoled her or her husband, never once engaged with his grandson, leaving her to juggle a toddler and hospital paperwork in the immediate aftermath of her loss. His only contribution was to tell her, just hours after she had given birth, that she should "probably go home" to her other son.
And then, one final mic drop. As he was leaving, he told the grieving parents that his girlfriend had broken up with him. He had made his own grandson's final moments a stage for his own romantic drama. The OP stared him down and told him to leave and to never contact her again. She needed a father that day, and instead, she got a man-child lost in his own self-pity.
But there is always more narcissism to be dealt with. The next day, her father called four times to complain to her husband about his ex-girlfriend and to reveal that he was already on a dating site. He even had the audacity to complain to his own mother that his grieving daughter was being "difficult" because she hadn't asked why he was so sad. That was one red flag too many, and she cut him off for good.
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This grandpa is nothing but a "sympathy vampire." Dr. Vahid Osman tells us that this is a type of emotional vampire who drains others' energy by constantly playing the victim and making every situation about their own suffering. His decision to make his grandson's tragedy a backdrop for his own breakup drama is a sickening example of this toxic behavior.
His actions are made infinitely more cruel when you consider the trauma his daughter was enduring. A study on the psychological impact of stillbirth found that it is a "catastrophic event" that can lead to severe and long-lasting psychological distress, including PTSD, depression, and anxiety. For a parent, especially a mother, this is one of the most devastating experiences imaginable.
To then go complaining to his own mother that his grieving daughter wasn't catering to his emotional needs is a narcissistic powerplay. He has the audacity to actively blame her for not supporting him. This is a common manipulation tactic used by narcissistic individuals to maintain their victim status and avoid any sense of accountability for their own harmful behavior.
Cutting him off seems to be the only way out. Dr. Karyl McBride says that when dealing with a narcissistic individual, setting firm boundaries and, if necessary, going no-contact is often the only way to protect your own mental health. He has proven time and time again that he is a danger to her emotional well-being, so he has got to go. Bye, Felicia!
Have you ever come across a more dastardly narcissist? Let’s trauma dump in the comments!
The internet was left utterly speechless by his narcissism, calling him out for his unbelievably toxic behaviour
