Let’s be real: traditional gender roles need to become a thing of the past already. The idea that women only do “this” and men only do “that” is ridiculous and horribly outdated. But frustratingly, the concept just won’t seem to go away.
One woman turned to an online community to vent after the deal she made with her husband that the men in the family would clean up after Thanksgiving dinner fell apart after the last drop of coffee. Now she’s wondering if her request was a jerk move.
Traditional gender roles shouldn’t be a thing anymore, but the problem just won’t seem to disappear
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman had an agreement with her husband that the men in the family would get stuck into cleaning the kitchen after Thanksgiving dinner
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After the women in the family broke their backs preparing an assortment of dishes, the men just disappeared into the living room to watch football
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Annoyed that her husband had quietly backed out of their deal, she confronted him about it on the drive home
Image credits: BloodyPinkChanel
Instead of owning his actions, he did his best to gaslight her, so she turned to netizens to ask if her simple request makes her a jerk
The original poster (OP) found herself elbow-deep in casseroles after cooking for two days straight, volunteering to bring multiple dishes to her sister-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving. Before the meal, she asked her husband to round up the men to handle the cleanup, and he agreed.
The feast itself was great, warm chatter, full plates, and that perfect holiday buzz. But once dessert ended, the men drifted to the living room for football, leaving the women to swarm the kitchen like an unpaid cleanup crew. With the kitchen connected to the living room, the contrast couldn’t have been more obvious.
On the drive home, OP asked her husband why he hadn’t stepped up like they discussed. Instead of an explanation, he accused her of having a “victim complex.” When she pressed further, he claimed there were jobs he did “because he's a man,” completely sidestepping the very specific deal they’d made.
Now OP’s wondering if expecting the non-cooks (aka all the men) to grab a sponge and get stuck in is really that outrageous. After all, if you enjoy the feast, you rinse, at least. Her frustration wasn’t about drama, but fairness, teamwork, and finally calling out a pattern everyone else has tiptoed around for far too long.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, who can blame OP for being annoyed? A deal’s a deal, and her husband not only backed out of it, but actually tried gaslighting her when she called him out. The whole situation reeks of sexism and women being forced into traditional gender roles. But what’s the deal with that, anyway? We went looking for clues.
According to the experts at Scholars, in the US, gender relationships are changing and inequalities between men and women are being questioned pretty much everywhere – at work, in the home, and in public affairs. Yet the facts show that gender gaps persist, despite social and economic changes and collected efforts to upend women’s inferiority.
There’s no doubt that gender inequality isn’t going away, though. Women still make only about 80% of what men earn for full time work and, even when both partners are earners, women do twice as much housework and childcare. American women may have made solid gains since 1970, but those gains have leveled off since the 90s, suggesting that the gender revolution may be stalling.
Writing for One World Education, Joy Nash explains that male or female gender-specific identities are irrelevant in modern, civilized society. Gender roles are social constructs developed over time and are not based on natural human behavior. That’s because they evolved as a way to organize the tasks done in early human society.
We’d say OP was completely justified in giving her slacker husband a hard time about his shameless behavior. We need more people like her if society is going to get a reality check and start treating women with the respect, and equality, they deserve.
What’s your take? Do you think OP was out of line, or do the men in her family need a wake-up call? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the woman was not the jerk in the situation but suggested she should have got the other women in the family to take action too
