It’s no secret that too many of us tend to put presents before Christmas. It’s not that what we all care about is money; on the contrary, it’s one of the ways in our consumerist society to show love. Being conditioned about buying things for our loved ones by adverts on TV and media from as early as October, it’s no surprise that our minds are set for some pretty big expectations in what we want to get and to give for Christmas.
But this story posted on r/AskReddit is the opposite of that. It comes from a woman who told her husband she’d like a little Christmas gift. And before we all jump and say, this is not how you do it, the author added: “I did want a gift from my husband, mainly for the symbolism, like the thought of getting a Christmas gift.”
The woman also said that her husband “doesn't have much money because he's very reluctant to work and skips going to his part-time job most of the time, so I told him it could be something small, like a little stuffed animal or a keychain or even a Christmas card.”
As small as they may be, the author’s wishes didn’t sit well with her husband and she's now asking for some advice from people online.
One woman has recently shared how she told her husband she'd like a symbolic Christmas gift only to be called materialistic
Image credits: tommaso79 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: czechvegan
Bored Panda reached out to the author of this story who asked for advice on the r/AskReddit community. The woman told us she received so many comments that she couldn't read them all. “It was helpful because it made me see things objectively instead of feeling guilty, which I often do in my marriage,” she said.
Speaking of the whole situation, the author commented: “I now know that my husband is being unfair, but I'm unsure if I'm mentally ready to face the truth right now, so for now, I'm going to just try to accept things as they are for the sake of peace.”
For anyone who’d ever find themselves in a similar position, the woman said she’d tell them “they are NOT materialistic and want a symbol of care. I would tell them to take gentle care of themself.”
“There are way more issues here than asking for Christmas presents,” the divorce coach says
We also reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life and divorce coach from “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again.
“There are way more issues here than asking for Christmas presents,” Susan said and continued: “Why is this woman working and paying all the bills because her husband just doesn't like to work? What DOES he do? It sounds like what she wants is a little validation for doing all of this stuff, not simply a present. (BTW, if asking for a little token of love and appreciation is 'materialistic,' then why is HE asking for things?)”
Working as a team in marriage is crucial, and it's not about sharing only the good things
The life coach explained that the woman in the story is not feeling loved and appreciated. “There's not only a responsibility issue, but a partnership and love issue here, too. When folks get married, they become a team. They work together to navigate life and share not only fun and love, but responsibilities, too. This guy is doing none of the above.”
Susan continued: “Now the question becomes, 'Why is she allowing this?' And, 'Why is he doing this?' It's time for her to set some boundaries and limits, insist on marriage counseling, or show him the door,” she said and added that “maybe she can return his gifts and buy something for herself, instead, for being a responsible grown-up.”
Many people said the author was NTA and she had to run away from her husband for behaving like this
After receiving so many comments and advice the post author added an update:
Image credits: czechvegan