It feels weird when someone takes your stuff without asking. It’s one thing to set boundaries with strangers and coworkers, it’s an entirely different ball game when you’re dealing with, say, your partner’s family members. However, no matter how close someone is to you, they should respect you enough to know that when you tell them that they can’t borrow something, you’re being serious about it.
Redditor u/SafePurple2911 recently went viral online after sharing how she called the police on her boyfriend’s family when she realized that her car was gone. She asked members of the AITA online community whether she was in the wrong. Scroll down for the full story, as well as to see how the internet reacted to it.
Family is important, but everyone needs to learn to respect each other's boundaries and property
Image credits: SafePurple2911 (not the actual photo)
A woman revealed how she ended up calling the authorities after her boyfriend's sister borrowed her car without permission
Image credits: JulieAlexK (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
She later shared some further developments at home
Image credits: SafePurple2911
The family quickly learned that actions have very real consequences
The OP explained how she had made it very clear that nobody should be borrowing her car. However, she pointed out that because her boyfriend had at one point lent her some money for the downpayment on the vehicle, his dad then thought that the car was partly his… and by extension, his sister’s as well.
That argument doesn’t hold much water. Redditor u/SafePurple2911’s name is the only one on the insurance and she is the sole owner. What’s more, she had actually repaid her boyfriend all the money he’d lent her. Taking all of this into account, it’s clear that her bf’s sister and dad went against her wishes.
Even a phone call to the sister didn’t manage to resolve anything. When she still wouldn’t get it back home, the OP had finally had enough and ended up calling the authorities and reported the car stolen. Now, her boyfriend’s family is absolutely livid and is demanding an apology. Most redditors, however, were on the car owner’s side. Some of them even suggested that she and her boyfriend move out of his dad’s place as soon as possible.
It's essential that everyone's on the same page regarding each other's boundaries
Image credits: Peter Fazekas (not the actual photo)
Now, let’s make this very clear: nobody should be borrowing anyone else’s stuff without their express permission. Especially not expensive things like cars. How you react to someone who’s clearly stepped over your boundaries will depend a lot on the dynamic at home.
With some people, gentle, subtle reminders about (in)appropriate behavior will work. Others, however, might need a more direct approach: you might need to spell things out so you’re all on the same page.
If a friendly heart-to-heart conversation doesn’t work, you need to find some other ways to make sure you’re being respected. In short, you need to show people that their actions have consequences. Whether you think that calling the police was a tad too much or just the right approach, getting the authorities involved definitely sends a powerful signal. And it’s bound to make anyone reconsider pulling the same stuff a second time.
Reacting to conflicts in a different way than you normally would can help solve the issue in unexpected ways
Image credits: Josué Rodríguez (not the actual photo)
Even if you’re completely in the right, knowing how to defuse tension and looking for compromises are great skills to hone. According to Dr. Kathleen Kelley Reardon, a professor at the USC Marshall School, communication is like chess and people influence each other’s choices with every move. The expert told Verywell Mind that one strategy during family conflicts would be to avoid saying anything that you’d normally say when provoked.
“If you usually meet a challenge with a challenge, try asking a question instead. If you let someone go on and on and that leads to anger, link something you have to say to his or her topic and then change to another one,” the professor suggested.
Meanwhile, if you feel like someone’s blaming you, instead of going on the defensive, you could try telling them that there’s at least some truth in their words. By gently ‘editing’ how you usually behave during conflicts, you can create an entirely different outcome. Potentially, one where you manage make everyone aware of your boundaries and make them feel like your position is entirely reasonable.
“Above all, don’t be predictable. When we’re predictable, those who want to argue can maneuver us into doing just that,” Dr. Reardon says.
The author of the post shared some more context
The internet was very supportive of the car owner. Here's what they had to say about the family drama
