Betrayal cuts deep, especially among family members. It carries a pain that lingers for years and may remain an open wound despite attempts at reconciliation.
A mom of three is in this exact predicament after one of her sons began dating his brother’s girlfriend. The once-close siblings have since been torn apart, leaving their entire family in complete disarray.
Feeling guilty about possibly failing her children, the mom now seeks advice from the Reddit community on how to prevent the situation from crumbling. Read the entire story below.
Betrayal stings much worse when it happens between family members
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A man began dating his brother’s girlfriend, causing their family to start falling apart
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato (not the actual photo)
Their mother is left feeling guilty and pressured to fix the situation and prevent worsening it any further
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The path to forgiveness can be a long and difficult one
The only way the author could achieve peace within her family is for Shane to forgive his brother Jacob. However, that may be a tall order.
Psychology professor Dr. Glenn Geher noted that forgiveness can be a “complex emotion” because emotions and thinking are two completely different worlds. In his article for Psychology Today, Dr. Geher attributed this dichotomy to why people do things they regret, like committing infidelity.
So, even if we think forgiving the person who wronged us is the right thing to do, our conflicting emotions may hinder us from doing so.
“Our emotion system often puts the reins on actions that we consciously aspire toward,” Dr. Geher wrote.
An inaccurate perception of forgiveness may also hinder people from achieving it. Author and family violence consultant Dr. Steven Stosny explains that forgiving someone is not an act of condoning or excusing wrongful behavior.
Instead, it is “forgoing the impulse to punish, resent, and carry a grudge.” In the story’s case, it is more about Shane getting past the anger from betrayal and forgiving his brother to achieve peace within the family.
Self-care is the key to achieving forgiveness
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According to Dr. Stosny, making forgiveness the ultimate goal may prolong the process, “like a carrot on a stick.” You think you’ve achieved it, only to realize it is again beyond reach.
What may help is to focus on self-care and compassion and developing one’s core values.
“Forgiveness sneaks up on you, whether in the form of detachment or, if you decide to repair your relationship, in full emotional reinvestment,” Dr. Stosny stated, suggesting repeating what it means at its core: taking control of your emotional well-being.
Of course, it is a two-way street. In this case, Jacob must extend an olive branch. Dr. Stosny advises making statements like, “I do not want you to trust or forgive me until you feel completely comfortable in doing so.”
The brothers may take a long time to forgive each other, but they must take these first steps to make it happen.
Many readers took the time to offer some sound advice to the woman
