You should be proud of your birth name. But what do you do when your friends, your closest people, try to guilt-trip you and make you feel ashamed of it? What if they pressure you to stop using it because they feel “uncomfortable”? Unfortunately, this isn’t a hypothetical situation.
Internet user u/Moonshadow1931 went viral online after venting about how her friends staged an actual intervention for her, trying to get her to change her name. Not only that, but they also insulted the story behind her name, as well as her heritage. Frustrated and confused, the woman sought the AITAH community’s advice.
Genuine friends support and accept you. Fake friends tear you down
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This woman revealed how her friend group staged a literal intervention, trying to force her to stop using her birth name
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Moonshadow1931
Having a unique name can change how people treat you, for better and for worse
Unique names should be embraced and celebrated. That being said, it would be naive to think that our names don't impact how other people see and treat us.
Unfortunately, they can lead to bullying at school, missed job opportunities, and even well-intentioned foreigners constantly mispronouncing your name (hey!). So, you can simultaneously be proud of your name while also wishing that other people treated you better, instead of as an outlier.
Parents have the impossible task of guessing what names will help their children fit in and avoid social minefields, while also choosing something unique and authentic. At the end of the day, the best thing that any parent can do is teach their kids to be proud of who they are and their heritage, and how to be emotionally resilient.
The sad truth is that fake friends will find other things than your name as an 'excuse' to treat you poorly, while schoolyard bullies will do the same.
What matters the most is how you react and respond to them, and how you protect your self-esteem, not what your actual name is. Setting healthy boundaries is a must. And if your so-called friends keep violating your boundaries despite your reminders, then it’s probably time to rethink those relationships.
Everyone deserves genuine friendships, not ones where they have to change who they are at their core just to superficially fit in.
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Fake friends tend to put their needs above yours, ignore your boundaries, and manipulate your behavior
People who struggle with being good friends tend to be self-centered, narcissistic, and insecure. What’s more, they might have experienced childhood trauma or have psychopathic tendencies.
According to Verywell Mind, fake friends are usually:
- Inconsistent, showing up only when they need something
- One-sided, focusing mostly on them
- Unreliable, ignoring their promises to you
- Likely to betray you
- Disrespectful, often dismissing, belittling, ridiculing, or humiliating you publicly
- Likely to hurt your feelings while pretending to help you
- Jealous and threatened by your success
- Obsessed with what they can get from you, whether financially or in terms of social status
- Manipulative, using guilt and emotional blackmail to change your behavior
- Prone to overstepping your boundaries
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Building authentic, healthy friendships takes time, patience, and a keen eye for red flags
Most of us probably want to build authentic friendships, instead of having stressful, one-sided, superficial relationships with manipulative strangers. At their core, authentic friendships are based on genuine connections, so you have to allow others to know the real you. What’s more, you can start by connecting with people who have similar values and beliefs to you. Meanwhile, real friendships have a give-and-take foundation, so make sure that you’re not the only one investing in the relationship, and that your needs are being met, too.
Meanwhile, real friendships are built slowly, with patience, over a long period of time. According to recent research, it takes between 40 and 60 hours for an acquaintance to become a casual friend. Meanwhile, you need to spend around 200 hours together for someone to become a close friend.
Deeper interactions strengthen your connection more quickly. However, if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, you might not ever become close, no matter how much time you spend around each other.
What’s your take, Pandas? What would you do if your friends tried to pressure you to change your name because they felt uncomfortable? Have you ever had anyone tease you because of your name? How do you personally tell if someone is a genuine or fake friend? Share your stories and advice in the comments.
Readers rushed to share their opinions about the drama. Here's their take
After the story started going viral all over the internet, the author shared a small update
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Moonshadow1931
Want to make sense of complicated human dynamics? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic behavior, setting boundaries, and emotional healing.