Of course, there’s nothing stopping you from picking fights with your family. But being a jerk comes with consequences that don’t simply disappear once the moment passes.
Some of our words and actions can permanently damage our relationships.
One recent bride says her mother-in-law not only tried to dominate her wedding day, but also played the victim when things didn’t go her way.
No matter who the criticism came from and how long it lasted, the lady just wouldn’t take responsibility.
This woman had to endure her toxic mother-in-law putting on a crown for her wedding
And somehow, the lady still tried to play the victim card
Image credits: Kiwistocks (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: Quiet_Juggernaut2262
Mothers-in-law certainly have a role to play in both planning the wedding and the big day itself, but they should remember that there’s always a limit
Jean Rivers, owner of Blue Llama Events in Indianapolis, United States, has years of experience navigating difficult family dynamics that come with wedding planning.
“We believe in making weddings fun, exciting, and inclusive. When a mother-in-law wants to contribute to the wedding-making process, there are ways she can be involved but not too involved,” Rivers says.
The key is finding the right balance between what the couple wants in terms of involvement and what the lady has envisioned.
To do that, the bride and groom must set firm, clear boundaries from the start. At the start of the planning stage, the couple has to decide whether and to what extent they want their mothers involved, and then communicate this clearly to them.
The traditional place to involve a mother-in-law is the rehearsal dinner. Since the groom’s family usually pays for the rehearsal dinner, it becomes the natural place for his mom to exert her hosting skills. In cases where they want to retain more control, the couple may decide on the timing, location, and guest list, and then the mother-in-law can take over in terms of planning.
Rivers suggests that the mother-in-law can also go shopping with her child for their wedding attire.
It’s nice to also invite them to go with their future child-in-law, but as we just saw, the dynamics there can be trickier.
Not everyone has the budget for it, but “one great perk of having a wedding planner is that we can help destress the situations, talk with family and keep your wishes and your needs top of mind,” Rivers adds.
Image credits: Fellipe Ditadi (Not the actual photo)
In-laws or “out-laws”?
Jeff Segal, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist in New Jersey, United States, and a Visiting Clinical Supervisor at Rutgers University Center for Psychological Services. He says that oftentimes such conflicts stem from insecurity.
From the in-laws’ perspective, many feel sidelined, underappreciated, or left out. “They often struggle with the loss of influence or relevance in their adult children’s and grandchildren’s lives,” Segal explains.
“There is frequently spoken or unspoken competition with the ‘other side of the family.’ This emerges when grandparents keep score about involvement with their adult children and grandchildren. For example, which holidays or vacations do the adult children and grandchildren choose to spend time with?”
Segal himself encourages his clients to consider the adult children’s perspective, but the Redditor’s mother-in-law sounds far less willing to do so.
“Sometimes in-laws become ‘outlaws,’ which can also be difficult for many multigenerational families to navigate. This dynamic can emerge when in-laws are critical or undermining. Old family patterns such as alliances, rivalries, and favoritism can resurface,” the psychologist says.
“These ‘outlaw’ relationships may get high ratings on TV shows and movies; in reality, I have seen them be quite painful and deeply upsetting for many of the families in which I have worked.”
The mother-in-law might feel she has stood her ground and won the “battle” (the wedding), but if she continues to disregard her son and his wife’s wishes, she risks losing the “war.”
“The line between in-laws and ‘outlaws’ is often drawn by how we handle conflicts ... Investing in these relationships with genuine care, we build families that can hold love and difference without breaking apart,” Segal says.
Image credits: Getty Images (Not the actual photo)
People couldn’t believe how self-absorbed the mother-in-law had been
But some shared similar stories of their own
