Love isn’t about the size of someone’s bank account or how thick their wallet is. When you meet someone you truly connect with, it shouldn’t take fancy dinners or extravagant vacations to enjoy your time together. But if you’re accustomed to a certain lifestyle, should you choose a partner who will ensure you can keep that up?
That’s what one woman on MumsNet aims to find out. After realizing that she earns significantly more than the man she’s been seeing, she began to wonder if the discrepancy between their salaries would be too much to overcome.
This woman has been dating a man who she has plenty in common with, in terms of goals and interests
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska
After realizing that she earns significantly more than him, however, she started getting cold feet about the relationship
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Image credits: stickypeak
Later, the woman responded to some questions from readers and provided additional information on the situation
It's extremely common for one party to earn more in a relationship
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
While finances is never an easy topic to bring up, particularly in a new relationship, it’s not something that can be avoided forever. If you’re in a serious relationship, at some point you’ll have to start paying rent together, buying groceries together, making large purchases such as a car or home, and perhaps even fund a wedding. And while most people’s ideal relationship would include a 50/50 split of everything (finances, housework, child rearing responsibilities, etc.), life doesn’t always work out like that. According to a study from the Pew Research Center, both partners earn about the same amount of money in only 29% of American marriages today. In 55% of marriages, the husband is the primary or sole breadwinner, and in 16% of marriages, the wife brings home the majority of the bacon.
Now, when we consider how much men earn versus women, I would be remiss if we did not mention the gender pay gap, which still exists in many places. In the United States, married women tend to earn $15,000 less annually than partnered men, according to the Department of Labor. And in the UK, the Office for National Statistics reports that the “median hourly pay for full-time employees was 8.3% less for women than for men in April 2022.” In 2021, 78% of employers in the UK reported that their median hourly wage was higher for men than for women, and less than 10% said that hourly wages were the same for men and women.
However, people do tend to consider a certain level of income as a deal breaker
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
While it’s extremely common for one partner to earn more than the other, many of us do have limits as to how low is too low. According to a 2023 survey from Western & Southern Financial Group, the point where someone’s salary becomes a deal breaker for Americans is $29,878 a year. Meanwhile, the average salary that Americans earn annually is $35,522. But apparently, many married couples regret not talking about finances sooner, as 27.2% said they never discussed salaries until after getting hitched. And 18.7% said they only started having conversations about their income after getting engaged. Being saddled with student loans can also be a deal breaker for daters, as men say $31,179 is too much debt to deal with, while women draw the line at $22,901.
There is also a double standard at play for many people when they consider whether or not they’re okay with their partner earning less. According to a 2020 study from City, University of London, men in the UK are actually happier when they earn more than their wives. “Men exhibit an increase in life satisfaction in response to a recent increase in their proportional earnings relative to their wives’ earnings,” Chris Lines reports. “Secondary-earning husbands report lower average life satisfaction than majority-earning and equal-earning men, while such differences were not found for women.” Another study from the University of Bath has also found that men become “increasingly uncomfortable” as their female partners start contributing more than 40% to the household income.
Because finances are one of the main issues couples fight about, it's important that they're on the same page
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
While it’s possible to be in a happy, loving relationship regardless of how much you or your partner earn, one thing that’s clear is that it’s important to have open conversations about finances. Over a quarter of couples cite money as the most common reason why they fight, while only 17% of people in relationships say they regularly discuss finances with their partner. And although 98% of people say they wouldn’t mind dating someone who earns less than them, according to a survey by Penfold, another study by The Ascent found that 70% of people hope their partner will set financial goals. Two thirds of people also agree that following a budget is a necessity when in a relationship, and the same amount of people believe that financial independence is “key for a happy relationship.”
There are so many factors to consider when dating that it’s not surprising finances often get put on the backburner. However, it’s important to make decisions for yourself about how compatible you and your partner are, in finances and everything else, without simply making decisions based on what others have to say. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a similar topic, look no further than right here!
Readers had mixed opinions, with some encouraging the woman to follow her heart and others warning her that issues might crop up
