The dating landscape can be a minefield of expectations, miscommunication, and hurt feelings, all in the pursuit of love. First dates, in particular, are unnerving, as one tries to make the best possible first impression, look out for red flags, and organize what is ostensibly an event with a stranger.
So it’s not surprising that many would opt for a more low-key first date to not end up overspending on a person they have zero interest in. For example, one man proposed an ice cream date to a Tinder match, who turned it down for being “low-effort.” This sparked an energetic debate online as people discussed the etiquette, expectations, and standards of first dates.
People might have wildly different ideas of what a first date should look like
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One man described how he was rejected over wanting to get ice cream together
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Image credits: Zhinii1
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Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
OP gave some extra details about their interactions
As far as human activities go, dating is actually pretty recent
The concept of dating is still relatively modern, in the sense that in previous centuries, people would not have the disposable income or social liberty to just go somewhere alone with another person on the off chance that they hit it off. Indeed, the first use of even the word “dating” as we know it today is from 1896, when American writer George Ade defined it as a sort of public courtship where two people would go somewhere together. The “date” in “dating” comes from his possibly imagined description of a cashier who kept track of her suitors and their “dates” in a ledger. This implies that she either had a very poor memory or that she had enough suitors to necessitate actual bookkeeping to systematize them.
Systematization might also be a way for people to escape the stress of the initial stages while dating. While a first date is generally a casual social encounter, there is the ever-present knowledge that you are being judged and evaluated. Humans absolutely want to be “accepted” and liked by others, to the degree that many will literally lie on anonymous surveys, just to make themselves look better, a phenomenon called social-desirability bias. So a one-on-one conversation with a stranger who is, presumably, judging you the entire time can be daunting, but it’s the gauntlet most people have to run if they want to find a romantic partner.
It’s no wonder that “dating advice” is a massive, multimillion-dollar market, with magazines, books, and even dating coach services, all promising to help a person make a good first impression. In 2011, there were over 350 businesses in the US that advertised themselves as dating coaches, while the advent of the influencer economy means that this number has no doubt increased exponentially.
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Online dating has made it possible for people to be very picky when it comes to potential partners
Of course, a dating coach is of no use if you aren’t getting any dates. Fortunately, matching-making services have existed long before the internet and Tinder. People in the 1940s could turn to match-making services that would attempt to use statistical models to pair likely couples, while the 60s saw the advent of dating shows, showing that just the process of dating can be entertainment for many people. The strangest variant may have been video dating in the 1980s, where people would record themselves in an attempt to create some interest. In the modern, internet-driven era, we do have the technology to add video profiles to basically every Tinder account, but, understandably, most people do not want this option.
Online dating has in many ways revolutionized the scene, allowing significantly more people to find each other and do some initial communication without the risk of face-to-face contact and exchanging numbers. While most people think of the aforementioned Tinder, online dating has been a significant driver in romance before people even had smartphones. One documentary found that between 2005 and 2012, one-third of US marriages were a result of people meeting each other online. There is no reason to belive that number isn't significantly higher now. The flip side is that people generally have a lot more prospects and as a result can afford to be very picky, as seen in the story above.
Image credits: Mika Baumeister (not the actual photo)
Some thought the woman was being downright pretentious and that OP had dodged a bullet
Others thought that ice cream dates are actually a good idea
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Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
But there were also readers who thought the woman was absolutely entitled to decline a date she didn’t find interesting
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Commenters suggested that the couple may have not been compatible anyway and this interaction was a good filter
