Leading one life is hard enough as it is, so imagine living two. No matter how well one thinks they’re keeping their secret hidden, it’s just a matter of time before they slip, and all of it catches up with them.
Just like it happened to this man, who not only secretly had another relationship but also married his wife out of convenience. After the truth came to light, his spouse was completely crushed and lost on what to do next.
You never really know who around you could be living a double life
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
For this woman it was her husband, which completely crushed her
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anne__Frank_
Living a double life is more common than we probably realize
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Living a double life is more common than we could probably suspect. How a person starts leading one can differ, but a common facilitator that experts have noticed is social media.
“We’ve got smartphones and the internet and technology, so it's become a lot easier for people to lead a double life,” says Barb Ladd, PsyD, forensic behavioral psychologist at The Liefde Organization.
She points out that creating secret social media accounts and different personas makes it easier to compartmentalize our lives and lose perception of reality and who we really are. After that, it becomes more effortless to lie and maintain the double life.
Research conducted last year shows that, indeed, many young people feel like they’re living a double life, thanks to social media. A concerning 46% of people representing Generation Z admitted to noticing the difference between their online and real-life personalities. And they’re not the only ones in this—38% of millennials have experienced this, as well as 18% of Gen X and 8% of baby boomers. One-fifth of respondents even confessed to keeping their online persona secret from family members.
People who have different online personas might not even notice how the duality starts bleeding into the real world, as it can happen very subtly.
“People do things subtly a lot of the time, like somebody who might participate in online gambling. That might be subtle, but when it rises to the level where they recognize, ‘My wife would be very, very unhappy with this,’ it becomes a hidden life,” explains clinical psychologist, Dr. Gladys Frankel.
People can be drawn to sustain a double life because of the thrill of doing something forbidden
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
That said, we should be wary of generalizations. Not everyone who has a different online persona goes on to lead a double life in real life. Typically, those who engage in a double life tend to have a need to fulfill certain desires within themselves that they lack in real life. There might be something missing in their marriage, so they seek out another relationship in secret or they might not feel themselves at work, so they find a second job to express their passions and creativity.
Something else that can draw a person to sustain a double life is the thrill of doing something forbidden and avoiding responsibility. An example of the latter is choosing to seek out an affair instead of fixing a broken relationship. Narcissistic personality traits could also drive people to seek out more and more experiences that are going to build up. “If they're successful at it, it emboldens them to go deeper and deeper. I've seen double lives, triple lives, quadruple lives, quintuple lives,” said Dr. Carlos Protzel, PsyD, clinical psychologist.
Spotting someone who’s living a double life might not be easy, but observing them and picking up on certain behaviors may do the trick. Some red flags to look out for include odd behavior before leaving (they might have certain rituals before heading into their secret life) and hiding their cell phone and online use. Love bombing is another big giveaway.
“People who are living a double life will love b**b,” says Protzel. “If it doesn't seem right, there's usually a reason why you think that.” Endless flattery and compliments are some things to really look out for.
Lastly, a person leading a double life may also exhibit stress, depressive, and addictive behaviors. “There's so much shame and guilt and worry about getting busted, and consequences, and being seen in a negative light. So they get very adept at hiding that part of their life,” Protzel concludes.
Commenters encouraged the woman to leave her husband, reminding her that even though it might be hard, she can do it
