In theory, your partner is supposed to be the person you can be most honest with. But in practice, it isn’t always as simple as it sounds. There are times when you know the truth will sting, and figuring out how to say it without breaking their heart can feel impossible.
One woman turned to Reddit for advice after realizing she’s grown repulsed by her boyfriend of 7 years. She still loves him, but his habits, appearance and lifestyle have changed so drastically that she can barely stand to be touched by him. Now she’s desperate to figure out how to bring it up.
Read the full story below.
After 7 years together, the woman has started feeling repulsed by her boyfriend
Image credits: garakta_studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
But she still loves him, so she’s turning to the internet in hopes of figuring out what to do
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SockPuppetOrSth
It’s pretty common for attraction to change over time in a relationship
As uncomfortable as this situation is, losing attraction to your partner over time is actually not that unusual, especially when you’ve been together for years.
Think back to the beginning of a relationship. Everything feels like fireworks and butterflies because you barely know each other yet, and every little thing feels new. You’re also on your best behavior, making sure your outfit is perfect and your place is spotless whenever they come over.
But once you settle into a routine, all of that starts to change. You feel safer around each other and stop trying quite so hard, plus life gets busier with work and everything else pulling at your attention.
According to the Power of Attraction survey by Glo.com, YourTango and Chemistry.com, which polled over 20,000 people, 89 percent of men and women believe attraction to a partner shifts over time.
The same survey found that poor personal hygiene and bad personal style are two of the biggest factors that damage attraction in long-term relationships.
Sometimes it can reach a point where it starts affecting the relationship, which is exactly what’s happening in this woman’s story. Her boyfriend’s messy habits and heavy drinking have gotten so out of hand that she physically flinches when he touches her. She wants to bring it up, but she’s terrified of hurting him or making things worse.
But if things start feeling too dire, it’s important to open up and have an honest conversation with your partner before it’s too late
Image credits: TriangleProd / pexels (not the actual photo)
Clinical psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff shared some helpful advice with Verywell Mind on how to approach this kind of conversation.
She recommends opening up to your partner using a solution-focused approach once you’ve figured out what’s actually bothering you. That means sharing how you feel and asking directly for what you want, without criticizing or blaming them for the situation.
Psychotherapist and relationship coach Heide Banks told YourTango that this kind of talk needs to be handled with a lot of care. “Once you ring that bell, you can’t unring it,” she said, which is why she recommends being as loving and thoughtful as possible when bringing it up.
Dr. Romanoff also suggests putting effort into the relationship yourself instead of waiting around for your partner to change. If you want more romance or excitement, take the first step and bring those things into the relationship on your own.
She also recommends prioritizing quality time together, since attraction can fade when you stop spending real time with each other. Doing simple things you both enjoy, or discovering new interests as a couple, can go a long way in reigniting that spark.
The good news is that things are not necessarily over. The same Power of Attraction survey found that 90 percent of respondents believe it’s possible to reignite attraction in a relationship, and 81 percent said they would do so by talking things through with their partner. So there’s real hope here, as long as both people are willing to put in the work.
What do you think? Should this woman sit down with her boyfriend and give him a chance to change, or is this the end of the road for them? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Readers were divided, with some urging her to leave and others saying she should give him a chance to change
