Breakups hurt, and they often hurt even more when they come out of the blue. After being dumped for seemingly no reason, heartbroken people tend to look for answers. And that’s exactly what the TikToker ‘notjenneeree’ provided.
In her video titled ‘Science’, the Chicago-based artist Jennifer Reardon pointed out what leads women to end a relationship for, some might say, “no reason at all”. She drew up a scheme explaining how certain things men do or don’t do affect the fairer sex. And why women eventually stop seeing their partner through the rose-tinted glasses they did before. Jennifer’s video quickly went viral and attracted nearly 13 million views. Scroll down to find it below.
Some relationships are unable to stand the the test of time and there can be hundreds of reasons for that
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
This TikToker explained what drives women to end their relationships 'out of the' blue
Image credits: jenneeree
In her video that went viral, she introduced the science behind breakups—breakup-ology
Image credits: notjenneeree
If you are a boy who has ever been dumped by your girlfriend for seemingly no apparent reason, and you're looking for answers, this is what happened.
She started her scheme with an example of a simple, fixable problem
Image credits: notjenneeree
Okay, this is you guys, you guys are in a happy relationship. And now all of a sudden you have one simple fixable problem. For this example, we're going to use "no good morning text". Your girlfriend who loves you, she's really happy with you, she comes to you, and she tells you, "Hey, do you think we could start doing good morning texts? Like, it means a lot to me if you text me 'good morning.'" So you, her loving boyfriend, agree to give her good morning texts.
The TikToker showed how the small, fixable thing escalates into a problem of larger proportions
Image credits: notjenneeree
But something happened and for whatever reason, you stopped giving her good morning texts. So now we have a bigger problem. She now thinks that you don't care enough about her to send her good morning texts, even though she asked.
Image credits: notjenneeree
But she's gonna be like, "You know what, this is still kind of a small problem. I'm just gonna remind him." She reminds you, you're like, "Oh my gosh, that's right, I did agree to that. Okay, I will text you 'Good morning.'"
Unfortunately, though, you didn't follow through again. Now we have confirmed that you do not care enough to text her 'Good morning.' Even though this is a simple, fixable problem, this is now a big problem.
She continued to show that it grows to become this big and complex issue
Image credits: notjenneeree
So now, your girlfriend, who has never picked fights before in her life, starts picking a bunch of little fights about all these different things, because she believes that you do not care enough.
Through all of these picking fights with you, though, she still loves you and likes you enough to want to be with you. Even though you guys have all these little problems now.
Eventually it all leads to a breaking point
Image credits: notjenneeree
Until one day, these become unattractive to her. She's going to realize that all these little things that you do, that remind her that you don't care about her enough, are unattractive.
And that explains the breakup, which might no longer seem so out of the blue
Image credits: notjenneeree
And so now the problem is not these things. It's not even that you don't care enough. It's not even that she never got good morning texts. It's that she literally does not like you anymore.
Now unfortunately, she has to break up with you. And then you're going to ask her why. And she's going to list out all the reasons why she has to break up with you. And you are going to say "No, you should not break up with me because of those reasons. Because from now on, I am going to do all of these things. And you will never have to worry about me never doing these things again, because I'm going to do them every single day." But remember, it doesn't even matter if you were to do all of these things anymore. Because the problem now is that she's unattracted to you and just simply does not like you anymore.
Image credits: notjenneeree
And now she's gonna go move on with her life. And you're gonna go and tell your friends that you got dumped by absolutely no reason and that you guys all hate her. And that she's crazy for dumping you over something so simple, when in reality, she never dumped you at all. This was a slow moving process that eventually led to the final reason. And you weren't dumped, you probably actively chose not to give her what she said she needed, and now you guys aren't together anymore. Sorry.
The TikTok video went viral and garnered not only millions of views but loads of comments as well
Relationships are a complex matter, which makes even the simple, fixable problems pretty significant in the long run
Image credits: Toa Heftiba
Analyzing relationships is not an easy thing to do as no two scenarios are the same. However, with breakup-ology, Jennifer seemed to have covered a pattern that lots of people could relate to. One of them said the TikToker explained it so well that even they themselves came to understand why they broke up with their partner.
Jennifer said that it all starts with small, fixable problems. And, similarly to a butterfly effect, the minor things lead to larger troubles, and, eventually, a breakup. The TikToker took sending good morning messages as an example, which represented the importance of paying attention to your partner’s needs and wishes.
The professor of psychology at Clark University James V. Cordova emphasized that attention is the simplest form of love. In an article for Psychology Today, he pointed out that we divide our attention between so many things on the day to day, the relationship is often pushed off to the back burner. Relationship coach Katherine Jane affirmed its importance. “Paying attention to each other allows the relationship to grow, improves intimacy and keeps the 'distance' which often develops in long-term relationships at bay,” she said to Huffington Post.
Failing to pay attention to the needs of your loved one might be interpreted as lack of care or appreciation. And that’s already a bigger problem in the scheme explained in the video. Feeling heard and cared for would likely soften the grumpiest of people, but it’s not only the receiver that can benefit from it. According to the Relationship Center of Michigan, taking care of someone releases oxytocin, which is known as one of the happy hormones (together with dopamine and serotonin).
The small problems don’t mean that the love is gone, but they make the partner unattractive over time and that’s when the fairytale ends
Image credits: Eric Ward
Following the train of thought introduced by the creator of breakup-ology, if a woman doesn’t feel cared for, she might start picking fights. Even though that doesn’t mean that the love is gone, she can start making a fuss about such things as him not complimenting her hair or not remembering her dog’s birthday—two examples in Jennifer’s sketch shown in the video.
Over time, these seemingly insignificant arguments make their partner less and less attractive in the women’s eyes. Until one day, the attraction is gone and the relationship is done. PRWeb revealed that, according to the best-selling author and matchmaker Hellen Chen, as much as 85% of dating stories don’t end in a happily ever after. However, when it comes to marriages, the situation seems to be a little brighter as the number of those ending in divorce is declining.
Lots of people agreed with the woman’s detailed explanation
People argued that having to ask your partner to do something defeats the purpose
