When their children grow up and get married, it can be difficult for parents to let go of the reins. It might be tempting to provide guidance or unsolicited advice, but it’s important to let adults make their own choices. Especially if siding with their parents might take a toll on their own relationship.
One woman reached out to Reddit for advice after she caught her mother-in-law digging through her home’s trash. Below, you’ll find the full story of how the mom was banned from her son’s home, along with some of the replies readers shared.
This woman has always known that her mother-in-law has some quirks
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
But when she caught her husband's mom digging through the trash, she finally had to put her foot down
Image credits: DC Studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Competitive-Dust985
The majority of married couples admit that they've had conflicts with an in-law
You don’t have to be best friends with your in-laws to eat polite meals with them during the holidays. In fact, most people probably aren’t calling up their spouse’s parents just to chat or make plans to see a movie together. But getting along will likely make your life much more peaceful.
For some people, however, that’s a lot easier said than done. Despite the fact that most newlyweds go into marriage expecting positive relationships with their in-laws, some just can’t seem to make it work.
A 2022 study found that both men and women report having more issues with their mothers-in-law than with their own mothers. And psychologist Terri Apter has found through her own research that 60% of married women say their relationship with their mother-in-law causes them long-term distress.
Apparently, two-thirds of daughters-in-law believe that their husband’s mother exhibits jealous, maternal love towards her son. And three-quarters of couples admit that they’ve had conflicts with an in-law on at least one occasion. But only a small minority of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships are the problem.
As for why getting along with a mother-in-law can seem like an impossible task, psychology professor Madeleine A. Fugère, PhD, says it can often come down to a few factors. For example, the spouse might simply not be the person that they would have envisioned their child with. If there’s something about their personality, lifestyle, background, etc. that doesn’t align with what she had in mind, it might be impossible to win her over.
It can also be a problem for a mother if her son’s partner is too attractive. She might subconsciously worry that her son will be left or cheated on. Or she might simply be jealous. If she was used to being the most important person in her son’s life, it can be difficult to accept that he has new priorities.
Image credits: Eric Ward (not the actual photo)
It's important for married people to prioritize their spouse above their parents
While there’s no magic formula for getting along with an overbearing mother-in-law, it’s important to note that the burden shouldn’t fall solely on the wife. Once a person decides to get married, they agree to put their spouse first, even if that means having an uncomfortable conversation with their mother.
“Ranking anything ahead of your spouse is the most surefire way I know to create mistrust and instability in a marriage, which often leads to divorce and almost always unhappiness for everyone involved," Matthew Fray writes for Thought Catalog.
This does not mean that your spouse will be right 100% of the time or that you’re never allowed to disagree with them. But it does mean that you should have their back, and that the two of you should present as a united front.
Reggie Madison at First Things First echoes this sentiment. “Putting your spouse first starts with a desire to see them happy, at peace, and connected.”
Making your spouse happy shouldn’t always require sacrifices. But on occasion, it will. And if someone isn’t willing to put their wife before their mother, at the very best, it’s going to create tension. At the very worst, it might lead to the end of the marriage.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was reasonable with how she handled her mother-in-law’s behavior? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama, look no further than right here.
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Readers assured the woman that she was not overreacting, but many warned that her husband is their biggest concern
