It can be difficult to recover from learning about a spouse’s infidelity. Not only do you feel the seemingly unending sting of betrayal, but you also begin to ask yourself where you went wrong.
This is what happened to a woman who discovered both her husband’s affair and love child. Here’s the kicker: she found out while assisting the mistress as part of her job.
Feeling humiliated and dejected, the wife decided to vent on Reddit, trying to make sense of what happened.
It's never a good feeling to learn about your spouse's infidelity
Image credits: wayhomestudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman found out about her husband's mistress and love child in a bizarre way
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
She didn't have a clue at first, until she began piecing all the details together
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She is now trying to make sense of what happened
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The woman has begun to believe that her husband may have wanted to get caught
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A person’s brain chemistry may change after going through infidelity
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The loss of trust is the most apparent consequence of infidelity, which can ultimately damage the relationship permanently. However, what many people don’t talk about enough is the change in their brain chemistry that happens after the betrayal.
Research has shown that being in love and intoxicated with illicit substances stimulates the release of dopamine, a hormone linked to gratification and pleasure. Therefore, both can be highly addictive.
But as licensed psychologist Dr. Kristin Davin also points out, a person’s brain chemistry may also be altered after being cheated on. So much so that they may experience the same withdrawal symptoms as a person who misused illicit substances.
There is also such a thing as post-infidelity stress disorder. As clinical psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff tells Very Well Mind, some symptoms may include traumatic flashbacks, rumination, sleep issues, hypervigilance in future relationships, even isolation and withdrawal.
“Their partner’s infidelity might exacerbate these underlying difficulties and confirm their beliefs about their own worth and how others treat them,” Dr. Romanoff added.
The woman admitted to feeling at a loss after what happened, and understandably so. Coping with such a distressing discovery can take a lot of work, according to Dr. Romanoff.
One treatment option she discussed is cognitive reframing, where the betrayed partner goes through a series of exposure techniques that make their experience less intolerable. The goal is to restructure their rigid thoughts and behaviors, replacing them with adaptive ones.
If reconciliation is still on the table, Dr. Davin advises having an open and honest conversation that tackles the cheating and other relationship issues that need addressing. She also recommends spending more time together as a couple as an initial step to rebuild trust.
However, the woman isn’t only dealing with her husband’s mistress, but a love child, as well. It may be difficult for her to stomach, and it wouldn’t be surprising if she opted for a divorce instead.
People in the comments rallied behind the author, urging her to get a lawyer involved
