Divorce is never easy, but what if, on top of everything, your own kids turned against you?
That’s what one woman on Reddit found herself dealing with. After parting ways with her cheating husband, she chose to focus on herself and had a well-deserved glow-up. Instead of cheering her on, her adult children were furious, blaming her for the divorce and withdrawing from her life.
Read on for the full story and don’t miss our conversation with divorce coach Nawal Houghton on why women often face criticism for putting themselves first.
After divorcing her cheating husband, the woman went through a great glow-up
Image credits: paul vladescu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, her children weren’t happy about it and blamed her for the divorce
Image credits: George Milton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThatPeach7311
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It's common for women to be held responsible when a marriage falls apart
According to research by Michael Rosenfeld from Stanford University, nearly 70% of divorces in heterosexual marriages are initiated by women. Seeing this number, many are quick to point the finger at women for “ruining” a marriage. Bored Panda got in touch with divorce coach Nawal Houghton to get her perspective on this.
“Sadly, the tendency to blame women more than men for a divorce is still quite prevalent,” Houghton told us. “In my view, it reflects a deep-rooted gender bias and societal expectations that have persisted for centuries.”
Houghton believes this double standard is connected to traditional views of gender roles, where women have historically been expected to nurture, care for, and maintain relationships and family harmony. “When a marriage ends, these expectations often lead to disproportionate scrutiny of the woman’s actions or perceived shortcomings, regardless of the actual circumstances,” she says.
If a couple with kids goes through a divorce, it’s not unusual for the children to judge the mom, just like in the Reddit story. Houghton notes that many of her clients report similar experiences, with several factors influencing their children’s opinions.
“Children often have ingrained ideas about their parents’ roles,” she says. “They see the mother as the primary caregiver and expect her to keep the family together. If the marriage fails, they unfairly hold her responsible, even if the father’s actions were the cause.”
“In some cases, especially in my experience, the father may have manipulated the children’s perceptions, shifting blame onto the mother while downplaying his own actions. Children ultimately crave stability and may resent the parent they perceive as disrupting that stability.”
While these situations can be tough, Houghton has some advice on how to handle them. She suggests focusing on open communication, creating a space where kids feel comfortable expressing their feelings. It’s key to listen and show them their emotions are valid, even when they’re hard to hear.
When talking about any misunderstandings regarding the father, Houghton advises clarifying things gently, without speaking badly about him. As challenging as it may be, staying calm and patient—rather than getting angry—can prevent reinforcing any negative image of the mother that the children might already have.
Blaming the dad could make the children feel torn between their parents, potentially making things worse. It’s more effective to focus on your own actions and feelings.
Houghton also recommends seeking professional support. “Family counseling or a family therapist can help mediate an emotional situation and provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings.”
“Above all,” says Houghton, “remember to take care of yourself, prioritize your well-being, and ensure your own needs are being met.”
The woman shared more details in the replies, hoping her kids would eventually come around
People in the comments were shocked at the children’s reaction, insisting the woman wasn’t to blame
Some users, however, thought the woman was hiding something and that the children were upset for a different reason
