Finding out you're pregnant is a life-changing moment. Suddenly, the entire world shifts, and your top priority is this tiny little bun in the oven. Despite how exciting it is to announce a pregnancy, it’s usually wise to wait a few months before telling anyone, just in case. But the thing about pregnancy is that, even if you never seem to find the right time to tell your loved ones, the truth will come out eventually.
That’s exactly what happened to one woman, who managed to hide her pregnancy for 8 months, until attending her sister-in-law’s baby shower. Below, you'll find the entire saga that she later detailed on the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit, as well as an interview with Amy Morrison, founder of Pregnant Chicken.
Many expecting moms are thrilled to share the big news after finding out they're pregnant
Image credits: Grey_Coast_Media (not the actual photo)
But this woman managed to keep it a secret for 8 months, without telling anyone until she absolutely had to
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: HelloCheese12
The thing about pregnancy is that you can't keep it a secret forever
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Amy Morrison, founder of the site Pregnant Chicken, which offers support, resources and advice for new and expecting parents. Amy was kind enough to have a chat with us, explaining that, "It's fairly common for women to keep a lid on pregnancy news until the 12 week or second-trimester mark because the risk of miscarriage drops around that point." And while Amy added that keeping a pregnancy secret for 8 months would be tricky, she supposes it wouldn't be impossible. "Hey, people who have had no idea that they are pregnant have given birth in a bank line," she told Bored Panda. "Anything is possible."
According to Healthline, between 10-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and about 80% of those miscarriages occur during the first trimester. So it is usually wise for expecting parents to keep the news to themselves during this time, just in case. Considering this particular woman’s history on Reddit, noting that she had lost a baby once before, it is understandable to be hesitant not to reveal too much at once.
When it comes to the pros and cons of keeping a pregnancy hidden, Amy says, "The pro of keeping it a secret is you don't have to deal with opinions, advice or input from people whose opinion you might not want. The con of keeping it a secret is you don't have the opinions, advice or support from the people you do want."
Some couples also choose to wait at least until they’ve been to their first prenatal visit to announce a pregnancy. The later they wait, the more information they can share, perhaps revealing the sex of the child and showing photos from an ultrasound letting others know that the baby is healthy. Plus, once the cat is out of the bag, everything might change in the expecting parents’ lives. Their family members might constantly be checking in on them, and colleagues or friends might treat them differently. In some ways, this might be nice, if friends and family members go out of their way to be more helpful. But it can also be frustrating to have everyone carefully monitoring your activity and diet and inserting their opinions of what pregnant women should and shouldn’t be doing.
While it's often recommended not to tell anyone for the first trimester, there's usually a huge announcement to follow
Image credits: RODNAE Productions
As this woman learned, you can’t keep a pregnancy secret forever. So by waiting too long, she forfeited the chance to announce the baby on her own terms. It can also be challenging to deal with sickness, hormones, a changing body, etc. all alone. It can feel isolating to be unable to share the exciting moments, such as finding out the baby’s sex or hearing its heartbeat for the first time, with your loved ones. Depending on the mother’s profession and lifestyle, she may also be expected to take on tasks or live in a way that is not conducive to pregnancy.
We asked Amy if it was reasonable for this woman to assume she could attend an event, like a baby shower, while 8-months pregnant and not expect anyone to notice. "Depending on how you're carrying, it's a pretty obvious elephant in the room (sorry for the comparison there)," she shared. "At 8 months, you're about 32 weeks pregnant. Anything before 37 weeks is considered preterm, so it's fairly unlikely that you'd go into labor at that stage, however, it definitely can happen."
We were also curious about how an expecting mother can respectfully announce her bun in the oven if someone close to her has recently made the same declaration. "I think you have to be mindful of any time people announce a major milestone in their lives," Amy told Bored Panda. "Whether it's getting into college, getting engaged, having a baby, etc., that's a big announcement, and people want their moment. Whether you intend to take the spotlight away or not, feelings can often get hurt, and it might be worth sharing your news another time if you can."
Finally, Amy added that, "Sharing the news of a pregnancy is extremely personal, and no one is entitled to the news or your medical history. With that said, pregnancy news comes with a lot of feelings – good and bad – for family and friends, so it's something to consider if you care about their feelings." If you'd like to gain more insight on pregnancy and parenthood from the experts, be sure to visit Amy's site Pregnant Chicken right here!
But by keeping this secret from her family for too long, this woman forfeited the chance to tell them on her own terms
Image credits: Leah Kelley
It is also important for employers to know eventually that an employee is pregnant, so arrangements can be made for maternity leave. In the United States, for example, if a mother desires to take FMLA leave, which guarantees 12 weeks’ unpaid, job-protected time off, she is required to inform her employer as soon as it is “possible and practical to do so”. There are no exact timelines mandated, but waiting until the last minute might cause challenges, or at least hiccups, in the process.
And while some women are not thrilled about notifying their employers of their little bun in the oven, it’s important to note that there are laws in place to prevent expecting mothers from discrimination, so it should be fine to let them know. “The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) specifically says that your employer [assuming you work for a company with 15 or more employees] cannot discriminate against you because of your pregnancy, and also that if you have a pregnancy-related medical limitation affecting your ability to do your job, they have to treat you the same way they would any other temporarily disabled employee,” Kameron Dawson, staff attorney at workers’ advocacy nonprofit A Better Balance, told Well and Good.
“That means, if you do need time off to recover from childbirth, or if you do need an accommodation in the workplace, like an adjusted work schedule or a change in job responsibilities, that if your job is providing that for other workers who have a medical condition, they have to do the same for you,” she added.
Responses to this particular story on Reddit have been mixed, but we would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, pandas. Would you have informed your family about your pregnancy sooner? Would you have skipped attending the baby shower altogether? Feel free to continue the conversation below, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing baby shower drama, look no further than right here.
Readers have had mixed opinions on the situation, with some telling the expecting mother that she should have made better choices
Other readers were conflicted about who was in the wrong
And some defended the mom, assuring her that she was not obligated to reveal her pregnancy earlier than she wanted to
