It’s not unusual for wedding speeches to be sentimental, funny, and a little uncomfortable. It’s often the best man’s toast that leaves some roaring with laughter—and others red in the face. But one bride turned the tables when she decided to deliver a speech that some would describe as a roast fit for a Netflix special. Her target was not the groom but rather her own sister, who felt she had taken it way too far.
The sister has since shared how she was humiliated in front of 200 people to the point where she grabbed her purse and left the wedding. Her family is accusing her of being dramatic and childish. While she’s tired of always being the butt of family jokes, the woman is wondering if she should have just sucked it up on her sister’s big day. Bored Panda reached out to Brian Franklin for his expert opinion. He's the co-founder of Vows And Speeches and specializes in crafting the perfect words for your big day.
In this family, one sister is seen as the "responsible one," while the other is considered "outgoing and funny"
Image credits: Ave Calvar (not the actual photo)
When the "funny" one used her wedding speech to roast her "Miss Buzzkill" sister in front of 200 people, it didn't go well
Image credits: vasilij33 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NorraNaughty
"It’s a toast, not a roast": experts say
"Light roasting can be fun and totally acceptable within a speech, but only in the context of a greater compliment. And only if it doesn’t actually embarrass the target," Brian Franklin tells us when we reach out to him for his opinion on the matter. And he should know. Franklin is the co-founder of a company called Vows & Speeches. He makes a career out of crafting vows, speeches, and ceremony scripts... And he helps people rehearse before the big day.
The speech-writing expert explains that the goal of the speech isn’t for you to be funny, but rather to pay tribute to your friend or family member, what they mean to you, as well as pay tribute to their relationship. Any roasting needs to be harmless and resolved in something truly heartwarming and appreciative, he advises.
While there’s nothing wrong with being funny when delivering a wedding speech, some experts say it’s important to remember that you’re not on the set of Saturday Night Live, Comedy Central, or one of the Netflix Roasts. A wedding should be about celebrating the couple, not making them, or any other guests, feel uncomfortable.
“While no wedding speaker should be trying to deliver a stand-up routine, all speakers should aim to make their audience smile. And, not a polite smile, but a hearty involuntary one," says Heidi Ellert McDermott, founder of Speechy and author of The Modern Couple's Guide To Wedding Speeches.
As far as McDermott is concerned, the key to delivering a great speech is injecting some humor. "All wedding speeches should be funny," advised McDermott. “They can be sentimental and heartfelt but they've got to be funny too.”
McDermott adds that people from the U.K. and Australia generally want their speeches to have a lot of humor in them—while those from other parts of the world, including the U.S., prefer a sweeter speech, with “lighter elements, as opposed to all-out funny.”
As far as Franklin is concerned, Rachel violated the first commandment of wedding speeches: “Do no harm.” She put her sister in the spotlight, he explains, and made negative comments about her personality. She also failed to bring it back around to make Rachel the hero. Then, on top of all that, she doubled down after the fact.
"The reality is that some people simply don’t have good judgement about what to say or not to say in these situations," he says, and that's why companies like his exist. "Sometimes you need someone to check your work."
We asked Franklin what Rachel should have or could have said instead. This was his suggestion:
“Growing up, I used to call my sister, ‘mom junior,’ because she was often the more careful and responsible one, who had the audacity to worry about my well-being. And I resisted that with every fiber of my being. But as you saw in the speech she gave, everything she is comes from a place of love and deep empathy, and as much as I teased you (sister) and always will, I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you, and everything you did to try to keep me out of harm's way.”
The expert tells Bored Panda that it’s hard to know how justified the sister was in leaving without hearing everything that was said in context. "What’s clear is that Rachel’s speech left her feeling isolated and diminished," he added.
"The sister maybe should not have been attacked as a buzzkill, but her response no doubt killed a bit of buzz in the room and feels a bit retaliatory. As her sister and Maid of Honor, leaving the wedding is a pretty big response and certainly going to draw focus away from the wedding itself."
Franklin says it would have been less disruptive to address it privately with Rachel later on, rather than make her hurt feelings a topic at the event.
Image credits: halfpoint / envato (not the actual photo)
When it comes to telling jokes during your speech, they should land well without flying over anyone’s head—or knocking anyone out. "Anything that’s an inside joke may have been funny at the time, but no one else will understand what you’re talking about," says Kristine Keller, a writer and the co-founder of Speech Tank. Keller advises running your stories and jokes by a neutral audience to see if they are as funny as you think.
The award-winning Speechy team says that, regardless of your role in the wedding, you need to find a comedy focus. And turn your target into a comedy character. “Think about the classic sitcom characters – Basil Fawlty (the hotel owner who didn’t like tourists), Doc Martin (the doctor who was scared of blood), Del Boy (the hapless businessman),” they advise on their website. “Exaggerate your target’s qualities and push their weaknesses to the extreme.”
They say the groom could make either himself or the bride the target. Or he could aim at both, almost like a double act. “A father of the bride might choose his ‘drama queen daughter,’ the ‘hard-done father,’ or the ‘dubious groom’ as the focus of his humour,” reads their site.
The team believes even the bride isn’t off-limits. The key is to keep the humor affectionate and loving, they say. “Just because a woman’s wearing her best knickers and has a ring on her finger doesn’t mean she’s lost her sense of humor,” quipped the Speechy crew.
"It's bullying": many netizens felt that the bride was out of line
