According to the 2023 Pew Research Center report, some 7% of the American population is either gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Straight and gay people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, so, assuming someone's sexual orientation based on their looks, mannerisms, or likes and dislikes is quite inappropriate.
One netizen, however, had to endure insults and mockery from her friends because of her appearance. Because she's more masculine-presenting than the average straight woman, her friends automatically assumed she's a lesbian. So, she asked the Internet whether her getting mad and yelling at them at a restaurant was warranted or not.
Bored Panda reached out to the woman, u/florie_alessia, and she kindly agreed to tell us more about the disagreement. Check out our conversation below!
A group of friends ganged up on a woman, insisting that she's a lesbian just because she's masculine-presenting
Image credits: mirarahneva/Envato (not the actual photo)
When she kept insisting that she was straight, they tried to give her "a gay intervention"
Image credits: s_kawee/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: florie_alessia
"I wish people didn't feel the need to speculate about others' sexualities in the first place," the OP tells Bored Panda
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
It's normal for friends to tease each other, but there always should be a line. u/florie_alessia recounted in her post how she insisted several times that she doesn't find her friends' words funny. She tells Bored Panda that after two years of friendship, she didn't expect this from them.
"We've known each other for two years and they've seen me correct other people when they assumed I was a trans man or a lesbian," the Redditor says. "I've literally always stated I was straight. Maybe when they met me, my friends might have thought I was a lesbian at first, but I thought two years in, they already knew I was straight."
The Redditor usually doesn't feel pressured to explain or correct others when they misgender her because of her appearance or style. "Most people, if they actually say something to my face and I correct them, they're okay with it and believe me. Once, I said something about a man I found attractive, and a friend went: 'What? I thought you were a lesbian.' I said I'm not, and we laughed it off."
One friend from the group, however, possibly crossed the line. They sent the OP a link to an LGBTQ+ center and advised that she get help. "I honestly don't know what I want from them; we still haven't really talked much," the Redditor says, when we ask her whether she'd like an apology from her friends. "I just wish they would move on from this instead of still believing I'm a lesbian."
Ultimately, u/florie_alessia hopes other people can be more thoughtful in their personal lives after reading her story. "While these situations where someone assumes I'm a lesbian are usually resolved quickly, I wish people didn't feel the need to speculate about others' sexualities in the first place."
"This wouldn't have happened if it weren't so normalized to make assumptions about someone's identity. I guess I hope people stop outright telling me they think I'm a lesbian because it's pretty irrelevant, and I don't see why I need to know that," the Redditor says.
The only way to know a person's sexual orientation is to hear it from the person themselves
Image credits: BGStock72/Envato (not the actual photo)
People like to say that assuming heterosexuality shouldn't be the norm. One famous drag queen once said: "I always assume everyone is bisexual," and people might think that that's the better way. But how about not assuming anything and not commenting on people's sexual orientation at all?
While the friends might've thought they were allies, their behavior was actually deeply rooted in stereotyping. "Assuming someone's gender or sexuality based on someone's appearance is rooted in outdated stereotypes," GLAAD Ambassador Syd Stephenson told Elite Daily. "Just don't do it."
Some people might not realize how hurtful it is when someone stereotypes you because of the way you look. Especially when those people say they are your friends. According to Them magazine, "the only way to know if someone is gay or not is to hear it from the person themselves."
"Identity is an incredibly personal topic, and passing any kind of judgement without knowing the facts is an omission of so much of the beauty that comes with getting to know someone," contributor Erika Owen writes.
"Even if you were a lesbian, they have no right [to discuss] something like that in a funny way," other netizens gave their judgments
Others, however, thought that the OP was taking things too seriously
