It’s so important that your partner likes you for you instead of wishing you looked, walked, and talked like someone else. If that respect and attraction isn’t there, the relationship’s on rocky ground.
Internet user u/anonomonomoly recently went viral on r/AITAH after she asked for the community’s help on a charged situation. She shared how her (now ex) boyfriend started insulting her appearance on their trip. Though she ended the relationship, he and his mom began harassing her, demanding she pay for his accommodation and flight back.
Scroll down for the full story, as well as an all-important update. We got in touch with the author of the viral story, redditor u/anonomonomoly, and she was kind enough to answer our questions and also shared why it's so important to be vulnerable. You'll find Bored Panda's interview with her as you read on.
Mutual attraction and respect are a must if you want a healthy and happy relationship
Image credits: thelivephotos (not the actual image)
One woman opened up about how she dumped and stranded her boyfriend after his extremely rude comments on their trip
Image credits: Marina Abrosimova (not the actual image)
Image credits: sedrik2007 (not the actual image)
Image credits: anonomonomoly
She later added some additional context about the man
"As time went on, he became complacent and our relationship suffered"
The Reddit community has been very overwhelmingly supportive of the author of the post, u/anonomonomoly. "When my post started getting attention, I was pleasantly surprised by the wave of uplifting and reassuring comments I received," she told Bored Panda.
"Even those who didn't agree with me were kind and warm in their responses. It meant a lot, especially after the stress of dealing with my ex," she opened up about how positive the reception has been.
According to the author, initially, her ex had goals and ambitions. "But as time went on, he became complacent and our relationship suffered," u/anonomonomoly said. "We didn't live together, but he spent most nights at my place while staying with friends." She added that her zodiac sign is Aries.
Bored Panda asked her the advice she'd give someone who's facing constant criticism from their partner. According to her, it's absolutely vital to communicate and set boundaries.
"If they don't respect you or your feelings, it may be time to leave. I stayed hoping my ex would change, but he never did," u/anonomonomoly opened up.
"It's important to address issues and make adjustments to improve a relationship, but you have to be willing to show vulnerability and work through it together. And for the guys reading this, it's okay to show your emotions and support your partner in a relationship."
The author said that when looking for a partner, she pays a lot of attention to how someone treats others, communicates, and how (un)willing they are to grow. "These qualities are crucial for a healthy long-term relationship."
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Everyone needs to be aware of potential relationship red flags before they fully commit to someone
Most of us would probably admit that we want our partners to be reliable, trustworthy, honest, and caring. We want to feel like we’re supported. No matter what life throws at us, we’re on the same team. But if you feel like you can’t trust your partner fully, then you’ll likely weather any storms separately, not together.
Immaturity, unpredictable behavior, and irresponsibility are some major red flags in any relationship. Someone who can’t take care of themselves or manage their finances well is likely going to drain your time and energy.
If you find that you’re constantly fixing your partner’s problems or paying for their things and experiences, it might be worth reevaluating the dynamics between you two.
No relationship is going to be ‘perfectly’ equal, sure. But it’s all about equity. You can sense when your partner is trying to treat you, too, even if they earn less or don’t have their own house/driver’s license/etc.
Other major relationship red flags include an unwillingness to communicate, lashing out in anger, and exhibiting controlling behavior.
Other indicators that the person might not be good for you to date are if they’re constantly jealous, are extremely critical of their ex-partners, have no social life, and want to spend all of their time with you.
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual image)
Someone who's dishonest, has a bad history, and is prone to manipulative tendencies is best avoided
It’s also important to look at your potential partner’s history. Some red flags there would be a history of cheating, violence, or substance abuse. Compare that to someone who has difficulty talking about their feelings. Sure, the latter is an issue, but it’s nowhere near on the same level as the former three.
People you probably want to avoid dating will try to gaslight you. This essentially means emotional abuse for the sake of controlling you. They manipulate you to the point where you might even start to question your own sanity.
Major narcissists might do what’s known as ‘love bombing.’ They suddenly give you lots of praise and affection to either gain your trust or regain it after they lose it.
Meanwhile, folks who have a hard time committing might engage in so-called ‘breadcrumbing.’ In short, it’s where they lead you on with small dollops of encouragement. If you’re affectionate, they’ll withdraw. But if you do the same, they’ll resume throwing those small bits of affection your way so you don’t give up on the ‘relationship.’
One dating expert previously explained to Bored Panda that what women find attractive in men are positive personality traits and behaviors. They’re far more important than how someone looks.
Among those traits are confidence, charm, charisma, humor, as well as social intelligence. That last one, in particular, is critical. Especially in the long run.
What are the biggest red flags that you’ve seen in a former date or partner, dear Pandas? What did you think of the way that u/anonomonomoly handled the situation with her (now ex) boyfriend? Would you have done anything differently? We can’t wait to hear your take on this, so if you have a spare moment, share your thoughts in the comments!
The vast majority of readers were super supportive of the woman and thought she did the right thing
However, a few people thought that she could have reacted in a slightly different way
Many internet users were curious what happened next, so the woman shared an update a bit later
Image credits: anonomonomoly
Here's what some folks had to say after reading the second half of the story
